On Trying Again

It's been nearly 4 months since our miscarriage and as of this week, we can officially start trying to get pregnant again. We've gotten approval from my doctor that I am physically able to get pregnant again but also and more importantly, we're emotionally ready to try again.

I'm sure everyone that goes through this deals with it differently, but I have not spent the last four months anxiously counting down to this day. Don't get me wrong -- I can't wait to experience pregnancy and I still absolutely want to be a mommy. I guess the last few months I've just known we needed time to heal. Time to feel confident that my body has healed. Time for our hearts to heal.

I know if I'd spent the last few months stressing out and feeling anxious over when we'd be able to try again, it wouldn't have been good for me. I needed to simply not look toward the future for a little while. I needed to focus my energy toward my health, our home, God, our marriage, my passions -- not how quickly I could get pregnant again. This time has been good to me. I feel at peace and I feel hopeful again.

I still have moments where I relive that sad day. I don't plan to, but sometimes it just hits me and I remember the specific little heartbreaking details. It's hard to forget a painful experience like that but we are doing.

The last four months have brought us peace and healing. We've grown closer through this and we still have faith that He will provide for us. We're more aware than ever that we are not in control here and we just have to trust in His plan.

I feel hopeful but more importantly, I feel patient. I pray we are blessed with a healthy pregnancy and are able to start a family soon, but I'm patiently looking forward to that day because I know His timing will be impeccable.