Important Lessons from the Weekend

We spent Saturday night in Tampa for a comedy festival featuring Aziz Ansari, Amy Schumer and a handful of other comedians I hadn't really heard of. It was a blast and we were blessed with perfect weather for it, too.

Every now and then, I look back on what was an awesome weekend and the only way to share the highlights is to pass along some important lessons I think are worth passing along. I did this a while ago here and I think it really gave you some fun insight into my weekend, so let's go for it again.

- Don't go to a particular German restaurant in a group of 3 couples and be the only girl who drinks beer in the group. Why, you ask?  Because the boys will inevitably order a boot full of beer which requires 4 people to pass it around the table and drink it until it's empty and you will involuntarily be one of those four people. If this happens once, certainly don't make the mistake of going with the exact same group to the exact same restaurant again. The boot will arrive at the table, everyone will look around the table until you make the connection that yet again, you have to chug beer out of a boot while the entire restaurant sings and cheers you on.

- Sometimes on a Saturday morning, you need to ignore what you were supposed to do (work out) and do what you want to do (browse Target with a pumpkin spice latte in hand).

- Speaking of Starbucks, you should do yourself a favor and try their new toasted graham latte as soon as possible. You can thank me later.



- Don't try to take a photo of Amy Schumer on stage from what seems like a million miles away. Security will be on your case before you even have you camera open meanwhile there's a guy 5 seats away from you who has been smoking pot all night but no one in charge has seemed to notice that or the overwhelming scent in the air.

- If you're ever at the amphitheater in Tampa, don't decide walking to the casino would be easier than trying to get an Uber. It's not easier. It isn't the nice evening walk you had in mind. Instead, it's a walk reminiscent of a Walking Dead episode with mud and dirt roads and you can see the casino in the distance but it's really not as close as it looked when you guys first made this brilliant decision. Luckily, I had great company but still, just don't.

- When you're up $200 at the casino and your husband thinks it's time to call it a night, don't say, "but we just got here! Let's at least keep playing with our winnings." It'll be just three minutes later and you'll be wishing you'd kept your mouth shut and told your husband how smart he is.

- When your husband is doing yard work and calls you outside, be skeptical. One second he is asking you to help move one thing and the next thing you know, you're picking up rocks and carrying tools around. I'm not saying you shouldn't help, but I am saying you should know what you're getting yourself into when you say, "yes honey?" and step outside.

- When in doubt, do stick to your original plans. After we made plans to go to Tampa for the weekend, tons of other things came up that we really didn't want to miss at home. We even considered canceling our Tampa plans since we knew we couldn't do it all if we went away. I know if we had stayed in town, we'd be just as happy with our decision but I'm happy we stuck to our plans and had some fun just the two of us. It doesn't hurt that we have lots of fun plans with family and friends to look forward to the rest of this month!

There you have it. It was quite a weekend for us and with a friend's bachelorette weekend in St. Pete just a few days from now, I'm looking forward to enjoying some downtime at home this week. I hope your weekend was full of some beautiful fall weather and fun!

Wedding Planning Survival Tips

Heyyyyy....remember me? I've clearly been spending too much time living my life to and not enough time actually writing about it. Oopsies.

My Thanksgiving was absolutely perfect and was followed by my bridal shower and bachelorette party on Saturday. I want to tell you all about it but I feel a bit overwhelmed with my to do list now that we are just a few weeks away from our wedding. I'm hoping to have some down time later in the week to fill you in on the fun and happiness that made up my Thanksgiving weekend. In the meantime, I'm linking up for Wedding Wednesday today!

We're less than a month our from our big day so we are busy wrapping up the last few details. Being in the home stretch of this whole wedding planning business, today I want to share a few tips that have helped me deal with the stress that comes with planning a wedding:

1. Don't go crazy on Pinterest. I know you're probably thinking I'm crazy seeing as most of us ladies start pinning to a wedding board well before an engagement is on the horizon, but hear me out. There is such a fine line between using Pinterest for wedding inspiration and being completely overwhelmed with ideas. Pinterest is such a great place for finding inspiration and helping you plan your wedding, but there is soooo much out there. Yes, there are great guest book ideas on Pinterest, but if you over-do it, you could end up making it more stressful on yourself having to narrow down your ideas and settle on one. So yes, use Pinterest. It has been super helpful in my planning, but once you have most of the big details figured out, I recommend scaling back a bit so you don't start to overthink and re-evaluate every decision you've already made.

2. Focus on the marriage more than the wedding. It was pretty early on in our planning when it occurred to us that the wedding can start to seem like something you are doing to appease everyone else but yourselves. At the end of the day, you know it's going to be an amazing day for the two of you, but it's easy to get frustrated making decisions that seem so insignificant to you in the big picture. My only advice is when the little details start to seem completely stressful and overwhelming, slow down and focus on the marriage part...the part where you say your vows, the part where you walk down the aisle, the part where you are announced as husband and wife. Those thoughts will bring you back to the most important thing, you as a couple. Your marriage and the life you're about to start together. Focus on that.

3. Take a break every now and then. Especially in the early stages, there are times you'll feel like all you do is discuss wedding stuff with your fiance'. No matter how excited you are about your wedding, there are times when you just won't be in the mood to talk about it. As much fun as wedding planning can be, it's a lot of mostly expensive decisions to make and tiny details to think about. It's absolutely necessary to purposefully take time off from anything wedding-related. What we've tried to do is have an overall goal of the things we want to talk about or accomplish each week and try to plan ahead what days/nights we are going to tackle those items. This way you have time together to just be together and enjoy some down time and not let the wedding take over your life.

4. You can't please everyone. The sooner in the wedding planning process you accept this, the better off you'll be. After getting engaged, it won't be long before you encounter the many, many opinions people want to share with you. For the most part, everyone of these people have the best of intentions, but there's just no way you can make everyone happy. There's also the possibility of people you weren't able to invite being upset with you and a million other things people might not be thrilled about. All you can do is show appreciation for input from others, be apologetic and straightforward with people who may be unhappy and move on from it. At the end of the day, this is your day and you have to do what's right for the both of you, even if others don't understand it or agree with it.

5. Keep it in perspective. It's just one day out of the very long and happy life you'll have together. In the very beginning of planning our wedding, I realized the chairs our venue provides aren't exactly the style chair I would prefer on our big day. After looking at how much it would cost to rent fancier chairs, I quickly came to the conclusion that I don't think when I look back on our wedding many years from now, I will even remember what the chairs looked like and I made up my mind to not worry about it again. I wish I could say I've been that laid back about everything throughout the process, but I do try to keep in mind that at the end of the day, we are going to be married and the little things that seem like a big stress aren't really going to have a huge impact on the happiness of our life together.

What would you add? Is there anything that has helped you remain cool and collected during the wedding planning process?

Next week I'll finally be back with an update on what we have left on our to do list!

 

Linking up for Wedding Wednesday!

3 Childhood Lessons We Need as Adults

"Keep making that face and it will stay that way."

"You have to wait an hour to swim after you eat or you'll get cramps."

"Money doesn't grow on trees."

I'm sure you all heard these from your parents a time or two growing up. Yeah, some of them were obviously not true (I mean, I've never met anyone who made a funny face as a kid and it got stuck that way).

As hard as it is to admit, though, our parents were absolutely right on a few things. Now that we're grown up, it seems like a lot of us forget the more important lessons we've learned. Even in adulthood, I think we can use a few of these reminders from our parents:

1. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

This one is actually what inspired me to write this post. Recently I heard good friends of mine were talking trash about my relationship behind my back. There have been a few occasions lately where a blogger openly criticized another blogger on Twitter. As adults, we are quick to judge and criticize each other and bashing things we hate seems easier than finding something positive to say. With so much negativity, I can't help but wonder when we forgot to be nice or just be quiet.

Judging, criticizing others behind their back, calling people out on social media...it all spreads so much negativity and hurts others. If you don't have anything nice to say, just keep it to yourself. Put your energy toward supporting others and spreading positivity...it's much more rewarding.

2. Life isn't fair.

I can certainly remember my parents responding with this many times as a kid. As an adult, I've continued to be reminded over and over again that sometimes life just isn't fair. Just a few years ago, I was eating right and living a healthy lifestyle when a random throat infection threatened my life and left me with lots of issues and medical bills. This is far from fair. I still can't over how I was so healthy and took such good care of myself and something so bad could still happen to me. Do I sometimes wonder "Why me?" You bet. Do I ever feel sorry for myself? Of course.

It's easy to get down on ourselves as adults when bad things happen, when tragedy strikes, or even when things are happening for our peers, but not for us quite yet. Your friend met the love of her life and you can't even go on a decent date. Your college friends are landing their dream job and you haven't even figured out what you want to do yet. It's easy to wonder "why me?" and whine about it, but all you can do is work hard, do your best to get where you want to be and trust that things will happen when the time is right. 

3. You are the company you keep.

Back in high school when my parents were saying this to me, I strongly disagreed. But in high school, you think you have it all figured out and you're convinced that you aren't influenced by anyone. Looking back, yes, my parents were right.  Do any of you have a friend who is a major Debbie Downer? Have you ever had a friend who seemed to bring nothing but stress and drama to your life? Sometimes we don't realize it, but hanging around people like this can have an affect on our attitude and behavior.

I've found that as an adult, I need to pay attention to the types of people I spend my time with. It's important I invest my time and energy into healthy, positive friendships and people who have similar values, interests and goals as I do. Our relationships have a huge impact on us, so sometimes that means distancing ourselves from certain people who bring us down, increase our stress or affect our happiness.

I'm sure we can all agree being an adult isn't all it was cracked up to be. We don't have it all figured out like we thought we would. We even call our parents for advice and appreciate their input, which I'm sure totally makes up for all the times we rolled our eyes as they lectured us as teenagers.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it wouldn't hurt for us to keep these lessons in mind. They are just as necessary now as they were in our childhood.

Would you add any other lessons to my list?

My Tips for Staying on the "Wagon"

I'm pretty sure you all know this by now, but I am by no means a diet/fitness/health expert. My love of York Peppermint Patties, beer and baked good makes this pretty obvious. However, I do feel like I have found a few things that help me get back on track and stay motivated, so I figured I share them with you today.

1. Be realistic. I know myself. I know if I tell myself I am going to completely cut out carbs, I am setting myself up for failure. I also know that I'm not at a place where I'm up for sticking to a strict diet plan. If a diet plan isn't something you know you can manage on a day-to-day basis, you might be setting yourself up for failure. So what do I do? I set specific, realistic goals and simply try to cut back in general. You can still make progress without being on a strict diet plan if you focus on making changes you know you can follow through on.

2. Include others. Jonathan made a comment earlier this week about me having my scale out for the first time. I told him I'd finally weighed myself after avoiding it for a few months. You bet he followed that up by asking me what I weighed. We are generally really open with each other, but I hesitated sharing this with him at first. I know he'll love me no matter what, but something about telling him the number stressed me out because it isn't where I want to be right now. He left it along and after sleeping on it, I realized I was being silly. Somehow I've been lucky enough to find this wonderful man who loves me for everything I am. I want us to be able to tell each other everything, so I told him.

And you know what? It feels good. What did he say? He said, "Babe, that is a beautiful number. You didn't have to tell me, but I'm glad you did." If anything, filling him on my weight and my goals is only going to help keep me motivated. It's just like how writing out my goals and the change I want to make on this blog. Once it's out there, I feel more accountable and motivated to follow through.

Whether it is connecting with your girlfriends on My Fitness Pal, finding a gym buddy or sharing your goals with a friend who can help you stay motivated, including others in your journey can only help you stay on track.

3. Focus on small successes. As much as we wish it were this way, big change doesn't happen overnight. It might take time for the number on the scale to change or for your clothes to fit a little looser. It might take time for you to work your way back up to 3-4 mile runs. What you can do in the meantime is recognize the small accomplishments. Did you make it to the gym 3 times this week? Did you stay under your calorie count for the day? You make not see visible changes, but do you feel better? Recognizing (not celebrating by eating a bag of Doritos and devouring a gallon of cookie dough ice cream) small accomplishments like this will help you stay on track until you start to see the big changes.

4. Eat something every day you will look forward to. When your trying to watch your diet, the food your eating can get old really quick. For example, I believe I ate a salad for at least 5 meals this week. To avoid hanger (a lethal combination of hunger and anger, in case you've been living under a rock), I make sure to plan 1 snack a day I know I will really look forward to. This could be as boring as planning to have a banana with peanut butter as an afternoon snack or a few pretzels and hummus (assuming you have more self control than I do when hummus is involved) after dinner. This way you don't feel like you are completely restricting yourself and you don't fall off the wagon after 3 days. 

Like I said, I'm not expert, but these are a few things that help me. Now tell me, what are your tips for staying on track?

Choosing joy.

It's been a long week. I'm not crazy about talking about sad topics on this blog, but sometimes it's necessary.

On Monday I went to visit my grandmother for what is probably the last time. After battling cancer on and off for several years, she decided to stop receiving treatment and doesn't have much longer. 

I woke up the next day with a cold and found myself being a major Debbie Downer as Jonathan and I talked later that night. He jokingly called me out on it and I'm glad he did. I have every right to be upset sometimes, but being upset doesn't make it okay to be negative.

I guess I tend to let a lot of little things get to me, then something big comes along and sends me over the edge. Lately, I've been letting things have control over me; things like medical bills, roommate issues, work concerns. Then I have to say goodbye to my Nana and all those little things I've been stressing about come to the surface along with it.

I need to stop getting upset about things beyond my control. I need to be content with the fact that I'm doing the best I can and let it go. If it is in my control, I need to stop complaining about it and do something to change it.

I need to choose joy. I need to practice what I preach and "count my rainbows, not my thunderstorms."

I need to dance it out when I feel stressed, I need to pray for strength when I don't feel strong enough, I need to rise above the negativity.

I've been given this beautiful life to live and I am so blessed. I need to focus on the blessings.

Flowers & a Man Who Actually Called me on the Phone. Is This Real Life?

Hello world. I've been stuck in bed with a nasty cold all week, but yet somehow a lot has happened. This cold couldn't have come at a worse time. I still have Christmas gifts to buy, errands to run before my holiday trips and my workout schedule has been completely thrown off.

In the midst of all this, I absolutely need to post something here because things has taken an interesting turn in the last few days.

I met a really handsome guy downtown last weekend. If your single, you know that 9 times out of 10 when you meet a guy at a bar, the chances that (1) you'll actually hear from him and (2) that you'll actually want to get to know him outside of that environment, aren't very good. Nevermind the fact that you probably had a conversation about nothing at the bar and may not even remember it. Well this guy seemed a little different from the get-go. He bought me a beer and he asked about my job, my favorite books...not the typical "so, where are you from?" conversation most guys go with.

I was surprised to get a text from him Monday and even more surprised that he asked me out to dinner Tuesday night. Then something amazing happened. He picked up the phone and called me to make dinner plans. I can't tell you how refreshing it was to skip the weeks of awkward texting conversation that inevitably end up happening with guys I meet. I feel like so many guys (or maybe just the ones end up interested in) hide behind Facebook chat, texting...anything to avoid picking up the phone and talking like a normal human being. Getting an actual phone call from someone I had just met was such a treat!

Anyway, we met for dinner on Tuesday night and had a great time! Things that made me think I might like this one:

-when I walked up to meet him at the restaraunt, he shouted "You look beautiful!" I'm not one of those girls who needs to be told that all the time, but I've also dated too many people recently who couldn't even tell me they liked me, so it was nice to hear this from him.

-he brought me flowers. What? I haven't gotten flowers from a guy in years. We walked to his truck after dinner to get his jacket (which he made me wear because it was chilly and I was getting sick) and he pulled them out and handed them to me. It was sweet and thoughtful and not over-the-top cheesy. I didn't know how to react!

-I didn't feel like we were on a first date at all. The way he talked with me was like he had known me for a long time. It was comfortable and fun without the first date awkwardness that I am all too familiar with.

We ended the night with frozen yogurt and plans to see each other again tonight. I'm excited and pleasantly surprised by this whole situation.

I think I posted this quote on a blog post a while back, but it rings true for so many things in life including my relationships with people. I can't dwell on people who don't want to be in my life. I need to look forward and put my energy toward the people who want to be here.

I've had a tough time lately finally getting up the courage to speak my mind to people who haven't treated me fairly. I'm realizing when I stop putting my thoughts and energy toward people who don't deserve it from me, I make room for people to come in my life who do deserve my attention.

Unfortunately, this is a lesson I keep having to learn. I'll get it down eventually, but in the meantime, I'm excited to see what happens next. I just hope I'm feeling better in time for my date this evening!

Random Thoughts

Happy Wednesday! This post comes to you from my office where men are tearing apart the roof and it sounds as if someone is moments away from falling through the ceiling and landing on my lap. I obviously can't concentrate, so I'm blogging. One of the many reasons I love blogging is that it doesn't require concentration. I don't need to pick one thing to write about and stick to it. I don't even have to make sense. So today I bring you the thoughts that are going through my head right meow.

I heard an ad on the radio this morning announcing that a local mall is opening at midnight on Black Friday. I love to shop almost as much as I love getting a really good deal on something, but I can't help but feel sad that shopping is starting to overshadow Thanksgiving day. Every year it seems the stores start opening earlier and earlier and more people spend Thanksgiving day waiting in lines and fighting crowds than sitting around the table with family celebrating all they are thankful for.

My nana has been fighting cancer on and off for a few years. She is now refusing treatment and I'm going to visit her today. I haven't seen her in quite some time and I'm feeling a little anxious. I really just want to hug her and tell her I love her, and I'm just hoping I don't completely fall apart. I'll also be seeing my aunts and uncles I haven't seen in a long time. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone.

Dating The Dog Whisperer makes me feel like I am in stop and go traffic. You know the feeling, when you think the traffic jam has finally cleared up and you start to cruise, only to come to a dead stop in 1/2 a mile. That's how I'm feeling. Whenever I see him, it's like we are cruising down the highway and things feel like they are going so great, then we say our goodbyes and it feels as though we are at a complete standstill until the next time I see him. I'm not saying this is a terrible thing because we are taking it slow and blah, blah, blah. It is what it is but it's new territory for this impatient girl.

Speaking of boys, I can't help but think they are so cute banding together during the month of November for No Shave November. I can't help but notice the irony: it's cute when the men in your life decide to dedicate a month to not shaving, but if us ladies decide to avoid shaving for a month, we've "let ourselves go." Trust me, I am not an advocate of going more than a day without shaving my legs nevermind a whole month, but still, I'm entertained by this.

I'm truly starting to believe children have a better grasp on life than anyone else. They are brutally honest and so genuinely optimistic. I'm loving these two kids' quotes:

Anyway, I hope you're all having a lovely day.

Miscellaneous

What's going on in my world right now:

I forgot to tell you all that Blake graduated from his beginner training class a few weeks ago. I really only share this with you because this photo is too cute not to. I am so glad I decided to sign him up for training when I did. He's almost a year old and while he is still very much a puppy, his behavior has improved so much and I'm so proud of him for catching on to the basic commands we learned so quickly. I'm pretty impressed that after 6 weeks of class I can get him to sit, stay, lay down, shake hands and drop toys or things he shouldn't have in his mouth.

I stumbled across these two quotes on Pinterest recently and I absolutely love them. I can't believe I still haven't read Eat, Pray, Love. I really need to add that to my Kindle.

In the last few weeks, I've started switching to morning workouts on the days I have evening plans. Depending on the week, I've been waking up at 5 a.m. 2-3 times a week to get to the gym. I know how awful this must sound, but I am finally at the point where it doesn't bother me too much. I used to hate it how I would get into a great gym routine, going 4-5 nights a week, but then a week would come where I had a lot going on in the evenings and I would hardly make it to the gym at all.

An active social life is no excuse to let all my hard work go to waste, so the only way to make this work was to workout in the morning on the days I have plans at night. I won't tell you hearing the alarm go off at 5 a.m. is a good feeling, but driving home from the gym at 7 a.m. feeling accomplished before I'd normally be awake is an amazing feeling.

I'm also super excited that yesterday I got up to a 4-mile run. This may sound silly to serious runners, but that is the farthest I've ever gone in one run. It took me 35 minutes and I seriously couldn't be more excited about this. When I started working out regularly and getting back in shape in August, I could hardly run a mile without struggling a lot. The fact that I've come this far in such a short time makes me realize that so much of our limitations are all mental. I'm not setting any specific goals, but this makes me so excited to build up my endurance even more.

 

Last but not least, if you don't watch Modern Family on ABC, you need to start. It's the perfect combination of funny and heartwarming. I'm obsessed with Phil's-osophy.

 

My favorite: "When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like "what?!?"

 

That's all for now. I hope everyone is having a great week!



Tell me...

Do you watch Modern Family? Who is your favorite character?

Do you prefer working out in the morning or evenings?

Back on the Fitness Train

I've fallen off the fitness wagon so many times this year it's hard to tell if I was ever really on it! The good news: I'm back and hanging on for dear life. I don't know how it got to the point where I was eating whatever I wanted and had ZERO motivation to go to the gym, but those days are long gone.

Here's what I've been doing to make sure it stays this way:

Committing to run a 5K (two, actually) in the next few months. I've always done best when I have a deadline or goal in mind. I'm not looking to win first place or anything, but I want to go into these runs feeling confident that I can at least run the whole thing (ideally without fainting at the finish line). I'll be running the 14th Annual Miracle Miles 5K with some friends in September and obviously The Color Run in December. Having these on the calendar is helping me stay motivated.


source

Splurging on workout gear. This may sound silly, but I've learned that I will use anything as an excuse to avoid working out. I've never been one to have a drawer full of exercise clothes; I've always had a few basics (capris, pants, a few workout shirts) and made those work. The problem: a few workouts a week and I was out of clean clothes before I had a chance to catch up on laundry. I've been stocking up on running shorts, tanks and socks to be sure I never have that excuse. I'm making sure to buy things I will feel comfortable running a few miles in so I have no excuse to leave the gym early.

Being more flexible. I used to think the only way I was going to go to the gym was if I went straight from work. I convinced myself that going home first, I would severely decrease my chances of working out because I wouldn't be motivated to leave the house once I got there. This worked fine until Blake came into the picture in January. Being the puppy that he is, I've tried to be overly cautious about leaving him in his crate too long. That, and I feel like a terrible mother if he is stuck in there longer than absolutely necessary.

I would go to the gym straight from work and give myself one hour to work out before I rushed home to Blake. One hour? That isn't nearly enough time to get in a decent workout no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise. By the time I was done with arms/shoulders or back/chest, I hardly had enough time to get in 30 minutes of cardio before I was rushing home. All of this made me look at working out as such an inconvenience. Now, I go straight home after work to take Blake out, feed him and let him run around for a bit, then go to the gym. Once I'm there, I don't feel so rushed and therefore have a MUCH better attitude about the whole thing.

Can't find the source for this one

Getting out of my own way. Exercise has always been one area in my life where I don't project my positive attitude. Talk to me about any other area in my life and I'm all "I can do anything," "the sky's the limit," "anything is possible if you really want it." In the gym, I've always been more like, "I am running 1 mile. 1 mile, that's it." I can't tell you how many times my workout buddy, Chad (Scott's best friend), has told me to get out of my own way. He was right. He's always told me to get on the treadmill and run until I can't anymore, rather than setting a specific distance for myself. Giving myself a limit before I even get on the treadmill is doung just that-- limiting me.

These days, I run until I can't anymore and while that still isn't very far, I know it will get better because I'm getting out of my own way. Some days I even run until I can't anymore, then get on the elliptical for a few minutes to switch it up. It's amazing how changing the way you think about something makes such a difference.

Staying busy. I've always been happier when life is busy. Spending more time at the gym each night is bringing more control into other areas of life. I don't do well with down time at home. I either sit around watching television or snack, usually both. I also end up feeling down or lonely and overthinking things which is never good. With my new routine, I've been taking Blake for a walk before or after the gym instead of sitting around doing nothing at home. When I am finally home around 9, since I don't have much time before bed and I have more energy, I eat something quick and healthy for dinner and get things done around the house. Busy is good. It doesn't leave time for sitting in front of the TV, snacking or being lazy.

Needless to say, I'm psyched to be back on track! I'm

determined to keep it this way.

What are your secrets for staying motivated?

Any Man of Mine

Shania Twain’s “Any Man of Mine” is one of those country songs that never gets old. You have to hand it to her...the girl knows what she wants…

…a man who is proud of her, who loves her even when she is ugly, someone who is on time even if she is running late, who doesn’t mind when she changes her mind a million times.

How many of you have heard one of these phrases from someone every time you go through a break up?

“Well, at least you learned something…”

“Now you know what you are looking for out of a relationship.”

“There is someone better out there for you.”

These are all SO true despite the fact that nothing anyone can say will really make you feel better.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how every relationship does teach you something about yourself, about what you need out of a relationship and what you won’t stand for, about how when you do find that right person, all of the trials and tribulations will be worth it because it all brought you to this person.

I can’t help but think with the dating I’ve done and still have yet to do, all the “lessons” I’ve learned about relationships and the things I’ve learned I’m looking for in a relationship, that by the time I find the right person, I won’t realize it because I have way too many “criteria” at that point. I can’t help but wonder if “kissing lots of frogs before we meet our prince charming” might end up making us too picky, too selective.

I may be overthinking this, but I guess I’m a little nervous that the more you date, the more choosy you become, making it even harder to meet someone (or give someone a chance) who can make you happy.

Reminder to myself and those of you in the same boat: Let’s not forget to keep an open mind. It’s important to know what we want, but we also need to know that we want and what we need can sometimes be different. You don’t know unless you give it a shot.

This Too Shall Pass

The last few weeks have been full of country concerts, cowboy boots, fun and the joys of having a puppy. I'm also going to Buffalo to visit my sister and her kids in a few weeks and I can't wait. I want to update you all on that, but first, I need to get some stuff off my chest:

I'm in a little bit of a weird place right now. I am still smiling and staying optimistic, but I don't feel like myself. I can't seem to clear my mind and just relax. If I'm being honest, I'm not over everything that happened with Gary. Don't get me wrong, I know I am better off without him in the long run and think he is a sad excuse for a man, but I am still trying to get over the whole thing. I'm still hurt. I have so much anger I can't let go of and I am still just sad. I feel out of sync with my girlfriends and stressed about work, money, etc.

I've been over thinking everything and I am just wearing myself out mentally and emotionally. I feel like I am not focused at work and sometimes I get really overwhelmed and sad when I am home at night. I can't seem to snap out of this funk I am in. Today I realized I have been so wrapped up with taking care of Blake whenever I am home, I haven't been doing a lot of the little things I know help me in times like this. Remember when I blogged about my stress relief strategies? I've hardly been doing any of these lately!

I know this is just a phase. I know that I'll be back to normal in no time and I know nothing is nearly as bad as it might feel right now. I still do have my always optimistic attitude and I'm keeping things in perspective. My life is amazing, despite the challenges I feel like I'm facing at the moment. Everything will be okay, but in the meantime, I am going to get back to my reliable stress relief tactics. Valentine's Day is coming up and no matter what my love life is like, I ALWAYS bake for Valentine's Day. So that's what I'll be doing Sunday. I'm starting to feel better just thinking about it.

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I hope everyone is having a great week. Thanks for listening :)

How to Think Like an Optimist

"I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else." Winston Churchill

One thing I’ve really come to understand over the past few years is how very important it is to have an optimistic attitude no matter the situation. Everyone is fighting their own battles and I’ve had my fair share of them in recent history. While everyone needs to fall apart sometimes and cry, looking at everything with an optimistic attitude makes such a difference. It’s the difference between saying “Poor me” and “Well, that is unfortunate.” It’s the difference between waiting for the next thing to go wrong and knowing everything will be okay. It's the difference between being Debbie Downer and Positive Paula.

Is it always easy to be optimistic? No. I think for a lot of people, it’s easier to assume the worst, to complain, to have a negative outlook. It may take some self motivation, but we all have the ability to snap out of a pessimistic attitude and think like an optimist. I’ve found a few simple strategies for helping me maintain a positive outlook. They work for me, so they may work for you, too.

Here they are:

Listen to Colbie Caillat

I call this my happy music. Her music sends a positive message and has a way of giving you a sunny, upbeat, positive attitude. I recommend, "Think Good Thoughts," “Dream Life, Life,” and “Bubbly.” If those don’t put you in a happy mood, you are a lost cause.

"Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms."

This is one of my very favorite quotes, but it's something I really do when it seems like everything is going wrong. Once you start naming the wonderful things in your life, you’re problems won’t seem so big anymore.

Surround yourself with positive people

My father always used to tell us, “You are the company you keep.” While he was usually saying that so we didn’t hang with the wrong crowd in high school, it rings true here. Nothing brings you down more than having negative people around you. Try to surround yourself with friends and family who lift you up, not bring you down.

Get some distance

They say you shouldn’t run away from your problems, but I really think taking a step back from whatever issues you are dealing with helps. Every problem seems a lot worse when it feels like you are facing it day in and day out. Taking some time away, physically or mentally can help you regroup and get a new perspective. You’ll probably even realize things aren’t as bad as you thought they were once you take a step back.

Dance

You are probably wondering why dancing is my solution to everything, but just listen for a minute, okay? When you let loose and dance, you can’t help but feel free and happy…even if you aren’t good at it. And if you can feel that happy and free by simply cutting a rug, you can definitely change your attitude and find happiness in any challenging situation.

Take it one day at a time

When you are feeling sad or stressed out, it can feel as though you’ll never be okay again. It’s hard to imagine days, weeks, months down the road where everything is better. Try thinking on a smaller scale. Focus on getting through and making the best of each individual day, rather than how you are going to feel a month from now. Without realizing it, you’ll start to feel more optimistic and in control.

Get it out of your system

Sometimes it takes a particular activity to shake off the negativity. Whether it is exercise, writing, screaming, meditating or less healthy options such as drinking or breaking things, something is bound to help you release that negative energy. Find what works for you and do that when you feel like negativity is taking over.

Enjoy the simple things

There are a million little things in each day that we often completely overlook because we are so wrapped up in the big things. It is these things that if you slow down and appreciate, your whole attitude will improve. Personally, I absolutely love how I feel after a really good workout, when I’m driving by myself and burst out laughing at something that happened yesterday, talking to my older sister on the phone and hearing my niece and nephew playing in the background and the moment my puppy finally cuddles up in my lap and falls asleep after acting like a maniac for three hours. When the big things don’t seem to be going your way, slow down and soak up the simple pleasures that make up your day.

There you have it. It isn’t what happens to you that defines you, it’s how you deal with it. Everyone falls apart sometimes, but being able to pull yourself back together and move forward with an optimistic attitude can only get you back on the right track faster.

Do you have any tips you would add?

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

It's been a while since I've shared a great Internet find. A friend posted this on Facebook a few weeks ago and I really love the list. It's 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself. Check it out.

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I can admit to being guilty of most of these, but here are the ones that stood out the most to me...

11. Stop being idle

I'm always at my best when I am keeping busy. Whether I am going through a stressful or sad time, or all is well in my world, I am happiest when I am keeping busy, being social and getting things done. Being idle only causes me to over think and analyze things, which doesn't get me anywhere.

21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break

I get easily frustrated when things aren't working out. Blame it on my lack of patience, but I truly need to learn to take a step back from an issue, to take a break and regroup. I'm trying to do this with my dating life right now...taking a step back and regrouping before I jump into anything else. I don't know when I'll be ready to go back, but I need to follow this step and take a break.

25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t

I'm a positive, optimistic person, but I need to learn that it is still okay to fall apart sometimes. Admitting that everything isn't okay doesn't make me any less of a happy and positive person. I try to practice the optimism that I preach and end up not being true to how I really feel sometimes. Being sad doesn't mean you are a Debbie Downer, it simply means you are going through a tough time and it too, will pass. 

Which ones are you guilty of? Any others you'd add to the list?

The Dos and Don’ts of Online Dating

I know you are probably already laughing because I am by no means in a position to offer dating advice or pretend I am any kind of expert on this, especially judging from my lack of success after being on eHarmony off and on for the past two years or so. But anyway…

I’ve had a few friends who’ve recently decided to jump on the online dating bandwagon and give it a shot. They obviously came straight to me to gossip about the process and I found myself talking them through the first emails, first meetings and what not. I may not have found the love of my life on eHarmony yet, but I have come away with lots of thoughts on what to do and more importantly, what NOT to do.

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Do try to include a variety of photos that allow your personality to shine through. This allows matches to get a good idea of how you look and may learn about you a little at the same time.

Don’t and I repeat, DON’T include a photo of you taking a picture of yourself in the mirror. Guys, this is a thousand times worse when you are shirtless. No matter what you really have to offer someone, a "mirror pic" makes you come across as a complete tool. Take five minutes and ask someone to take a picture of you for goodness sake.

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Do go at your own pace. Depending on the person, it may take you several emails and weeks of communicating before you are ready to meet in person. That is okay. You’ll know when you feel comfortable and are ready to take that next step.

Don’t get turned off if someone tries to move forward before you are ready. For example, you may want to exchange a few emails before moving to calling/texting. If they suggest this before you are ready, don’t be completely turned off, but simply respond by saying you’d like to get to know each other a little better before then. They will understand and if they don’t, they probably aren’t worth moving forward with, anyway.

Do trust your instincts. You are going to be matched with a ton of great people. Don’t feel like you have to communicate with everyone. Don’t feel like everyone you talk to, you are obligated to meet. If you aren’t digging someone via email, there isn’t a huge chance you are going to hit it off in person. Don’t force it. If you aren’t feeling it, don’t waste your time or theirs.

Don’t get offended. Rejection is never fun, whether someone stops communicating with you immediately or you start dating and they break things off down the road. Don’t take it personally. Online dating has a lot of great perks like matching you with people you have things in common with, but it has the same downfalls as when you meet someone organically. Someone you like may not like you back. Don’t get offended, but appreciate their honesty and know that there is someone better suited out there for you.

Do enjoy the process. One thing I’ve heard from my friends is how overwhelming it is. I remember the feeling well…you are getting loads of matches and you start to feel like you need a personal assistant to manage your account. Try not to get too wrapped up in “What do I do?” or “What if?” Just go with the flow and enjoy the experience.

Don’t be embarrassed. You’ve seen the commercials and heard the ads. Online dating is pretty common these days. It’s not something to be embarrassed by or ashamed of. If anything, it shows you are adventurous, willing to try new things and open-minded. Go you!

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Do be smart and cautious. Online dating sites (or at least in my experience, eHarmony) don’t have near as many creepers as you are afraid of. However, to be on the safe side, be cautious when you are meeting someone for the first time. It goes without saying that you should plan to meet in a very public place, like a bar or coffee shop. I always make sure at least a few of my family members or friends know where I am going and what time we are meeting. For the most part, I recommend those first few meetings you drive separately and meet there. It might be different with every person you meet, but you’ll know when you feel comfortable enough to move forward.

Don’t say, “Online dating doesn’t work” if you haven’t met the love of your life after three months. When I first joined eHarmony many, many moons ago (hahaha), I joined for three months and never went on one date…not even a phone call. You may not meet someone special, or anyone at all in the time you spend on whichever site, but focus on what you did get out of it. I know for me, being on eHarmony has really helped me understand not only what I am looking for out of a relationship, but also what I have to offer someone. At the very least, it’s a great life experience and gives you a lot of insight on what you do want out of a relationship.

There you have it. The dos and don’ts of online dating. For those of you have tried it, any thing to you want to add to the list???