A Letter to My Husband

Jonathan,

Our world is going to be completely changed at any given moment as we anxiously await Emma's arrival and lately I'm feeling more thankful than ever to God for bringing us together.

I don't claim to have it all figured out and I know you don't, but you are so incredibly prepared to become a daddy despite all the unknowns. You are fearless. Life as we know it is about to be turned upside down and you are so ready and willing to face everything that entails with so much confidence and excitement that I know for certain I couldn't have found a more perfect person to spend my life with -- to raise a family with.

Our journey to get pregnant didn't go quite like we thought it would when we started out, yet during that time, so many of your special qualities shined through only making me more excited to one day see you become a father. We couldn't have predicted how long it would take and we certainly wouldn't have predicted the heartbreak we would experience in the meantime, but we grew in our faith together during that time and I couldn't count the times I thanked God for your patience, strength and unwavering faith.

One of my favorite things about you is that that you are completely yourself no matter the circumstance. You say what's on your mind and you do what comes naturally without thinking of what people will think or what someone might say. Sometimes that means I'm shaking my head because you said or did something totally goofy or embarrassing, but this is one thing I would never change about you. You are so genuine and unapologetically you and I pray to God that Emma gets this quality from you.

You are the hardest working person I know and what's even more remarkable is your attitude toward the work you do. Despite the long hours you put in or the stress you're under, you never lose your focus, motivation and genuinely positive attitude. You're constantly striving to improve, grow and find new ways to challenge yourself. Everything you're doing and everything you've done has helped set us up for all our dreams to come true. You're providing for our family and giving me the greatest gift by making it so that I can be home with our sweet baby girl. You never stop thinking about what's best for our family and I'm truly proud and blessed to have such a strong, supportive and hardworking man to share my life with. Our children will learn these values from you by the example you set and I am so thankful for that.

We've talked a lot about how lucky we've been in that I've had such a relatively easy pregnancy for me. You tell me you brag to everyone about how we haven't skipped a beat - how being pregnant hasn't made me act any differently and you've had it so easy. All I can say is that you give me so much grace which I'm thankful for. Even I can admit I've been a little moody and perhaps hard to deal with at times, but you somehow are blind to all of that. So blind to it that I have to laugh because even I don't understand how you see me in such a perfect light. I do agree that I've been extremely lucky and pregnancy has overall been a joy for me but it has a lot to do with the support and love that I feel from you.

A while back you jokingly asked if I was going to forget all about you once the baby came. I, of course, said "never." I told you we're the reason for all of this. The life we're building - the cat, the dog, the baby and future babies - it's all because we were brought together and these are all extensions of us and this incredible love we have. Our children will grow up seeing how much their parents love each other. They'll grow up seeing what a healthy relationship is and should be. They'll watch as we work as a team, laugh at ourselves, build each other up, pray for each other and for others and they will know without a doubt that their parents are madly in love.

Knowing that Emma could arrive any day now, I've been reflecting a lot on the past several months because somehow it feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever but also flew by at the same time. We'll never be first time parents ever again and there are things about the last several months I don't ever want to forget.

I don't want to forget the first time you felt Emma kick. It was just before 6 a.m. and as we hit the snooze on our alarms like we always do, you rolled over and put your arm around my waist like you always do and there it was. An unmistakable kick and you got so excited and I was so excited for you to finally feel what I'd been feeling. I didn't want that moment to end. Since then, there have been countless kicks and somersaults you've been there to feel and every one of them has been such a joy for me to experience with you.

I don't ever want to forget all of our daydreaming about what Emma will be like and what life will look like once she's here. Me telling you I hope she has your eyelashes and your laugh. You telling me you hope she has my blue eyes and my sweetness. You arguing your case why Emma should sleep next to your side of the bed because you want to get to her first in the middle of the night. The comfort I feel knowing that even through the exhaustion, the hormones, the frustration or not so joyful moments we may face as new parents, I will be able to count on your patience, sense of humor and "it's all going to be okay" attitude to give me whatever I need in the moment to make it better.

I don't ever want to forget how you wanted to build Emma's crib and I laughed saying maybe a less crucial piece of furniture like a bookshelf would be a better place to start. I don't want to forget the moments you've shown me more patience, grace and love than I could ever need. I've been uncomfortable, emotional, exhausted and at times, completely irrational but no matter which of those it was, you've given me nothing but love and done whatever you could to make it better. There hasn't been a day since I met you where I didn't feel loved by you, but through this pregnancy I have felt your love and support so intensely. I'm so grateful.

I don't ever want to forget the calm and simple state of our life right now. We will get into a new routine and we'll love that, too, but this simple time where it's just us and a cat and dog is running out and I'm trying to soak it in before it's gone for good.

Soon, very soon, all of the things we've been day dreaming about are going to be happening. I won't need to imagine how strong and supportive you will be during labor because we'll living it. I won't need to think about what an incredible father you're going to be because I'll be in awe as I watch you live it. We won't need to make predictions about what Emma will be like because in no time she'll be a part of our lives as if she'd always been and we'll be soaking in every little thing about her.

When we first started dating, we made a promise to each other to always lift each other up; to always be positive for each other. I think we've both held up our end of the deal and as we prepare to become parents in a few days, I'm thankful we can always count on each other for that. We are blessed beyond belief to be living our dream together and I can't wait to experience what's next with you.

Love,
Me

We Have So Much to Enjoy

Today is my 30th birthday and no, I'm actually not really freaking out about turning 30. I'm pretty happy with life right now and while turning 30 is kind of a big deal, I'm pretty okay with it. I would normally try to come up with some kind of birthday list to share, but I've had this post drafted and was just waiting for a good time to post and it seemed appropriate for today.

Jonathan and I fit well together for many reasons, but one of those reasons is that we are both planners. We do our fair share of living in and enjoying the moment, but we both naturally look toward the future and plan for it together. From the beginning, we talked a lot about what our future would look like - at least what we wanted it to look like. We knew early on that we'd be married one day and we talked a lot about starting a family together and all the things we wanted to do. Especially with Jonathan's business and his commitment to set us up well financially, we often find ourselves looking several years out at our lives. It's fun to plan and dream together. We've enjoyed the heck out of every stage together but we've still always talked and planned for the future with joy and excitement.

Having this trait in common is obviously such a good thing for us. I like to think our future thinking and planning ensures we are on the same page about things and when the time does come, we are ready emotionally, financially, logistically, etc. for whatever it is. One thing I'm always trying to be careful of, though, is that we don't focus so much on the future that we miss out on the sweetness and joy of the moment we're in.

Every now and then, when we have a lot of exciting things going on like weddings, trips, special events, fun plans, holidays, etc., one of us will always comment on how we have so much to look forward to. It's true...the anticipation of exciting things on our calendar is just fun. I've been trying to catch myself, though, and remind myself of this:

Life isn't all about those weekend trips to wherever. It's not just about the moving day, graduation day, wedding day, baby's arrival, etc. It's all those things mixed in with the weekends you do nothing in particular but you still stopped at one point and told each other how great a day that was. It's the day-to-day routine like 5 a.m. snuggles with your puppy in between the two of you that brings you a different kind of joy and peace. Believe it or not, it's even the painful times when your hearts were broken and as you brushed your teeth before bed one night, your husband put on Taylor Swift and forced you to dance with him because he knew it would cheer you up. It's not just looking forward to baby's arrival, but soaking in the moment when you're 6 months pregnant, tired and sore and your husband rubs cocoa butter on your pregnant belly and puts his ear to it so he can listen to your baby girl's heartbeat. It's the details of our days that we don't even notice because they are so common or ordinary but when we stop to soak it in we realize absolutely blessed we are.

I love dreaming and planning for the future with my husband. I love the excitement and giddiness I feel every Tuesday when we're another week closer to welcoming our baby girl into the world. I love looking forward to all the joyous occasions we get to enjoy in this life.

I just want to make sure I don't let the special time in between those big occasions slip by because I was too focused on what was to come. We absolutely have so much to look forward to, but good Lord, we have so very much to enjoy.

Life Lately

Well, hello. I had really high hopes pregnancy would make me a better blogger with so much I want to share and document but seeing how I haven't been here since announcing Baby Snyder oh, 6 weeks ago, that isn't how it's going. I just haven't had it in me to actually take the time to do some writing. We've been keeping busy and time is just flying by! Since we're so close to the 20 week mark at this point, I'll just plan on sharing a mega-update at that point! I also plan to share the story of how we found out we were pregnant because I always enjoy reading posts like that from others, so stay tuned.

In the meantime though, life lately has been full of so much joy. We've had all sorts of fun, gotten good news and there have been so many moments I never want to forget.

+ We spent the first weekend of February in Boca Raton celebrating our friends' wedding and had such a good time. It was one of those weekend getaways you don't realize how much you needed until you are there. The wedding was perfect and so much fun and we got to spend the whole weekend with friends that we don't see as much as we'd like to.

+ Last week, my brother texted me a picture of a house and said "Hey neighbor." The house just happens to be 1.6 miles from us (I mapped it immediately) and he's moving there at the end of the month. I have been jumping for joy ever since. We haven't lived this close to each other since college and I am so grateful we'll have him and his sweet girlfriend so close to us now.

+ Waking up on Sunday mornings with Abby and Taylor cat sprawled across the foot of the bed. So many snuggles.

+ Speaking of Abby, she is growing like crazy. She's probably tripled her weight since we brought her  home in December and at 30ish pounds, she still only about halfway to her full weight. This growth hasn't stopped her from allowing us to pick her up like a human though and I don't think she'll ever stop acting like a tiny puppy. She is full of energy and her and Taylor cat play together all the time although it could just be Taylor trying to get away from her that we think is them playing. Who knows. She certainly has added some chaos and life to our very quiet, clean home which is only helping to prepare us for our little one who'll be making an appearance in just five months.

We did start puppy training class last week and while I'm sure she'll always be wildly playful, we are working on gaining a little control over the chaos. She's catching on quickly and I'll be really satisfied when she isn't jumping up all over our guests and doesn't take me for a walk when I'm trying to walk her. She is the goofiest and sweetest thing and we regularly tell each other how happy we are with the decision to bring her into our lives. She's also like the only thing I've been taking photos of lately so here you go :)

+ Last Saturday, we brought Abby to the Winter Park Farmers' market. The weather outside was absolutely gorgeous and it was the perfect way to kick off Valentine's weekend with some quality time together. As we wandered around Winter Park and stopped to make friends with other puppies and people, multiple people commented on my pregnancy and it totally took me by surprise. It was the first time any strangers had noticed my growing bump and it caught me completely off guard but made my oh so happy.

+ We ventured out last weekend to look at nursery furniture and ended up starting our baby registry. I wish I had taken pictures of this adventure because this is a day I never want to forget. I would imagine a lot of husband's aren't keen on the idea of spending their Saturday at Buy Buy Baby registering for burp cloths and trying to decide on crib sheets but Jonathan was such a joy to be with that day. I couldn't even get the words, "Oh, we need one of these..." before I would here the beep of the scanner before I even got a chance to tell him which one. You couldn't miss the absolute pride and excitement he is feeling as we selected items for our baby girl. I don't ever want to forget him calling me over to the crib mattresses with way too much excitement so the store employee could explain all the options to us. I don't ever want to forget him going through the rack of Dr. Seuss books deciding which ones our sweet girl just needs to have in her nursery. I don't ever want to forget him shouting out "the baby bonjourno!" (Baby Bjorn) when we made it to the baby carrier section. Whenever we've ever talked about babies, he makes sure to tell me we're getting a baby bonjourno and how he's going to carry our little one around using it. He knows I laugh every single time he calls it that and this time in the middle of Buy Buy Baby was no different. As a side note: I had other carriers in mind from the get-go and when he saw the price tag, he too decided we would go with another option. I'm sure he'll always call it a baby bonjourno though and that makes me giggle even now.

I was already on cloud 9 the whole day as it felt completely surreal to me to be choosing the things that would soothe, hold, carry our sweet baby girl but witnessing Jonathan's apparent joy and pride just put the whole day completely over the top for me. I can't even think of how overwhelmed and proud I will be seeing him as a daddy. I literally cry just thinking about it.

+ I made baked ziti for dinner on Valentine's Day but more importantly, I made my own spaghetti sauce for the very first time. I tell myself every time I go to make anything Italian for dinner that next time, I am going to attempt my own sauce but then every time, I get intimidated and/or lazy and buy a jar at the store. I figured Valentine's Day was a good day to tackle this goal and I did it! It could use a few tweaks next time but I was really happy with how it turned out!

The last few months have flown by and I really can't believe we're almost halfway through our pregnancy already! We have our next ultrasound on March 3 and since we haven't had one since January 13 -- I am literally counting down the days until we get to see our sweet girl again. After that, I'll share a full blown pregnancy update with you all. In the meantime, we're tackling little projects around the house and soaking in all the joy of this special time in our lives.

Just a Bad Day, Not a Bad Life

I was convinced I was pregnant last month. I was 5 days late and I am never late. Rather than quieting the voices in my head telling me I could be, I let myself feel hopeful and excited at the prospect of it all. I had decided that telling myself 'no, you're not' when I really hoped and felt like I might be doesn't change the outcome either way so I was going to choose joy and hope. Whether I thought I was pregnant or kept telling myself I wasn't, I'd be sad and disappointed either way if it wasn't our time yet so why not let myself be hopeful?

I had just finished a conversation with Jonathan about this before we went to bed on that fifth day. It was one of those chats I never wanted to end as we knew we should have been in bed an hour ago but we just kept talking and dreaming and loving every second. I told him I don't want to have to keep myself in check with anything in life. If I feel hopeful or excited prematurely, I don't want anyone to tell me I am getting ahead of myself. I know that already and I would rather get ahead of myself than tell myself no, no, no. He agreed and we made a pact that we weren't going to talk ourselves out of being hopeful or excited about our life. Whether it's hoping/thinking we could be pregnant this time or sharing our love of Jesus with others or raving about how much we love Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. We don't want to worry what others might think of us being so open and excited about things they may not understand or relate to. We need to let ourselves love what we love and feel what we feel and not worry that others will criticize our naivety or optimism.

A few hours after that bedtime chat, I woke up from a peaceful sleep and knew immediately that I was no longer 5 days late. I got up and confirmed that I was in fact, not pregnant, and with cramps and tears in my eyes, I climbed back into bed and told Jonathan it wasn't our time.

I cried myself back to sleep and I have to admit, I cried on and off the whole next day. I was okay, really. But I couldn't control the tears. I was disappointed and just sad about how our journey to becoming parents has been thus far. I felt frustrated and when I'm frustrated, I just let the tears fall and fall. Jonathan was great and of course, worried about me but I just had to keep telling him I'd be fine tomorrow - that I just needed to get it out of my system that day. When I say I cried most of the day, I'm not exaggerating. I think it was a mix of exhaustion and disappointment, but I knew I just needed to let myself cry it out and get those feelings out of my system.

I don't really know who Alex Tan is, but this quote from him sums it up pretty well for me. "Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again." 

The next day, I woke up and moved on with my life. Hope rushed back in and replaced my disappointment from the day before. I think Jonathan gets a little worried when I have a rough day like that and worries that I might have lost hope or that I might be letting these little bumps in the road make me unhappy with my life. I know it's hard for him to see me fall apart and he wants to fix it and be there to remind me that everything will be okay, that we'll try again next month.

The thing is, sometimes it's just a bad day. Sometimes I just need to allow myself to react to disappointment or frustration. Sometimes I just need to cry it out and get it out of my system. Despite how unreasonable or upset I am in the moment, I know I will be fine tomorrow and that my life is unbelievably full of happiness and joy. It's just a bad day, not a bad life.

Tell me...

• Do you ever have those days where you just need to "cry it out?"
• What helps you keep everything in perspective? 
• How do you pull yourself back together?

Extending Grace in Marriage

Several months ago, I won a copy of "Team Us: Marriage Together" by Ashleigh Slater in a giveaway Lisa hosted on her blog. She gave it a great review and I couldn't wait to read it. I received the book in the mail just a few days later and it proceeded to sit on my bedside table for a few months before I finally picked it up and finished it in just a few days. It was a quick read but full of some really great insight on marriage.

It's been months since I sped through the book and while I really enjoyed all the insights on marriage Ashleigh has to offer, especially the discussion questions at the end of each chapter, there is one topic I continue to reflect on months and months later.

Grace. 

It's a word we hear and throw around a lot, but this chapter really helped me refocus on the meaning of grace in my faith and also, in our marriage.

The author reminds us of the meaning of grace, "disposition to to or an act of kindness, courtesy, or clemency" and that it is foundational to our salvation, therefore it should be foundational to our marriages.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9)

God extends grace to us daily, without restrictions, conditions or limits. We should strive to do right and do good, but his grace is given to us for free no matter the circumstance. I remember reading this chapter and really allowing that to sink in. I read it over and over again and spent a few moments basking in how amazing this fact is.

She goes on to say, "We decided that we wouldn't withhold it from one another or force the other to earn it. We'd give it freely to each other, just as we'd received it from the Lord."

I got to thinking about times I could extend a little more grace to Jonathan.

He can be a little forgetful. He forgets names, forgets to tell me he made plans for us next Friday night and if you ask him when my birthday is, he might give you a guilty smile and ask you if if it's May 12th, 1986. If you know him, you absolutely know that his forgetting isn't intentional and it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

It never fails. At the end of every day, I'm likely to find his clothes from the day sitting on the end of our dresser. Whether the clothes are clean or dirty, he takes them off and puts them in the same spot.

Early in our relationship, I can count too many times where I let these little things irritate me. We'd end up double booked on a Friday night because I told him we had plans and he'd commit us to something else and I'd give him a hard time for forgetting. There was a time I might have made a sarcastic comment as I picked his clothes up off the dresser, asking him why on earth he walk a little further to the closet where our laundry basket is and drop his clothes in there.

It didn't take long for me to learn to let these simple things roll off my shoulders. In those forgetful moments, I try to remember that Jonathan has a lot on his plate. He is busy running two successful businesses, strategically managing our finances and setting us up for a truly incredible future, he is constantly thinking and working on bettering our lives and helping others. If he forgets a thing here and there, how can I be bothered by that knowing all of the other things on his mind?

As for the clothes on the dresser, it's so much easier for me to enjoy that quirk than it is for me to be bothered by it. God brought this hardworking, supportive, loving man into my life and I still can't believe I'm married to him. His days are spent working harder than most can imagine and if at the end of the day, he is so ready to get in bed that he doesn't want to walk to the laundry basket, I can't blame him a bit. I love him and want to strive to make life easier on each other. If I can make his life easier by cleaning up after him here and there, why wouldn't I?

I love how the author mentions two important things about practicing grace in marriage:

1. Practicing grace doesn't mean anything goes. It doesn't mean you turn a blind eye to each other's sins. 
2. Deciding to practice grace and actually doing it aren't the same thing. She points out that even though her and her husband are determined to extend grace, it's not always easy and doesn't always happen.

I'm glad she mentions these points. It would be big fat lie if I told you I never get irritated with my husband. While I make an effort everyday to extend grace, I'm certainly not perfect and the author is absolutely right, practicing grace doesn't mean we shouldn't call each other out on certain things. On that note, I'm sure of my own little habits and imperfections that require Jonathan to extend grace to me daily and I'm thankful for his grace and acceptance of my quirks.

I'm far from calling myself an expert on marriage and I guarantee I never will. I know for certain though, that in the day-to-day moments when I could become irritated with my husband and instead, choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt and extend a little grace has made all the difference in the world.

Tell me...

• What situations have you experienced where you could have extended grace, but didn't?
• How do you strive to see past the trivial quirks that might normally bother you in your relationships?
• What books on relationships and marriage have you read that stuck with you? 

Sometimes, it’s Okay to Not Be Okay

A few months ago, I shared news with you all that after months of waiting to heal emotionally and physically from our miscarriage last year, we were able to start trying to get pregnant again. I shared my feelings on how important it was for us to take that time to heal and how I felt hopeful again.

I’m still hopeful and most days I’m still patient in this journey. I have faith we will eventually get pregnant again and it will certainly be something to celebrate. I hear the advice to “not stress about it” and I take it to heart. I know stressing about it and feeling anxious won’t help anything. I am absolutely enjoying life like I should be and not obsessing over the process of trying. With all of that being said, if I’m being honest, I can’t help but allow disappointment and anxiety to creep in at times.

It’s so easy to tell myself not to overthink it – to just keep living life as usual without wondering every month if this is the month, without getting my hopes up every time I feel what I think might be a pregnancy symptom. It’s easy to say that I won’t allow myself to be disappointed when there isn’t a second pink line on the pregnancy test. I tell myself all of these things but the reality is this is all so much easier said than done.

It’s something I never understood until we decided we were ready to start a family. It’s hard to explain. When you’re ready, you’re ready and sometimes it’s difficult to accept when God’s plan for you doesn’t match your own. Do I draw strength from him in the meantime? YES. Do I trust that his timing is always perfect timing? YES. But in the heat of the moment when I’m staring at a negative pregnancy test, I can’t deny the disappointment I feel. I guess that’s normal but I feel like I need to pretend I’m not disappointed and that is hard to do.

I’m typically one to focus on the bright side of things and don’t worry – I still do.

The trying part of trying to get pregnant is obviously never a bad thing if ya know what I mean.

I know it’s possible for us to get pregnant, which is a huge blessing in itself. It happened once; it can happen again.

I know when the time comes, it will be so worth the journey to get there.

I know whether I understand it all the time or not, there is a bigger plan for us than I can comprehend. 

We’ve been given this time in our lives – just the two of us – it will never come again and it is something to be enjoyed.

I am grateful because I know our struggles could be bigger than this. I hear about so many couples who try for years and years…couples who face fertility issues…and sadly couples who flat out are not able to get pregnant. I don’t compare our journey to anyone else but I know there are people out there who are facing struggles we can’t even begin to understand. I certainly don’t celebrate the struggles other couples might be going through, but it reminds me that I could have worse problems than this.

I honestly don’t know what my point is, but I just needed to get this out. Before we decided we were ready to start a family, I never thought twice about what the journey would really be like. I guess you just assume it will happen fairly quickly and then when it takes longer than you imagined and there are a few hiccups along the way, you have to go with it. “Going with it” isn’t always easy though and I think I just needed to remind myself that it’s okay to not be okay with it sometimes.

On Trying Again

It's been nearly 4 months since our miscarriage and as of this week, we can officially start trying to get pregnant again. We've gotten approval from my doctor that I am physically able to get pregnant again but also and more importantly, we're emotionally ready to try again.

I'm sure everyone that goes through this deals with it differently, but I have not spent the last four months anxiously counting down to this day. Don't get me wrong -- I can't wait to experience pregnancy and I still absolutely want to be a mommy. I guess the last few months I've just known we needed time to heal. Time to feel confident that my body has healed. Time for our hearts to heal.

I know if I'd spent the last few months stressing out and feeling anxious over when we'd be able to try again, it wouldn't have been good for me. I needed to simply not look toward the future for a little while. I needed to focus my energy toward my health, our home, God, our marriage, my passions -- not how quickly I could get pregnant again. This time has been good to me. I feel at peace and I feel hopeful again.

I still have moments where I relive that sad day. I don't plan to, but sometimes it just hits me and I remember the specific little heartbreaking details. It's hard to forget a painful experience like that but we are doing.

The last four months have brought us peace and healing. We've grown closer through this and we still have faith that He will provide for us. We're more aware than ever that we are not in control here and we just have to trust in His plan.

I feel hopeful but more importantly, I feel patient. I pray we are blessed with a healthy pregnancy and are able to start a family soon, but I'm patiently looking forward to that day because I know His timing will be impeccable.

What Comes Next? Finding Strength in Sadness

It's been quiet around here since I shared the story of our miscarriage with you all last week. I haven't known quite what else to say about it to be honest. I want to share what the last few months of healing have been like for us, but these emotions are so unique and I've had a hard time putting it all into words. I guess one thing you all you should know is that we are doing well. We really are.

In the weeks following our sad news, I certainly wouldn't have said we were doing well with as much conviction. I attempted to go into work the following Monday because I didn't really know what to do with myself. I cried the whole way there and sat in my desk chair crying for half an hour when I arrived, only to go right back home. I had been holding up okay over the weekend, but something about being back to a normal routine didn't feel right. I fell apart.

I spent the next several days hiding out at home. I kept myself busy decorating our home for Christmas and getting things done around the house. Being at home was comforting to me. The only person I saw was Jonathan and he knew what I was feeling, what I needed. Home was a safe haven away from having to put on a brave face for the outside world. All that being said, I think I dealt with all of this fairly well.

One thing you need to know is that in the midst of our sorrow and disappointment, we have such faith in God that we knew everything was truly going to be okay. We may not understand God's plan at times, but that isn't our job. Our job is to trust in Him no matter the circumstances. Were we devastated? Yes. Did we feel like the wind had been completely taken out of our sails? Absolutely. Did we have moments of overwhelming sadness? Of course. But in all of this, we found strength in Him and had complete faith that we were going to be okay.

I eventually found the courage to return to work and it was certainly an adjustment. Responding to comments and support I received from co-workers/friends/relatives, all with good intentions was a unique challenge in the first few weeks. It's not that these gestures are not appreciated, it's just that you don't really know how to respond without falling apart. It requires understanding and grace, that's all I can say about it.

I wasn't quite myself, but I was trying and as I healed, I started feeling like myself again slowly but surely. I started socializing more and getting out and about. I found so much comfort in my husband and we would talk and talk until we both felt any weight we'd be feeling had been lifted. We faced this together and  we supported each other. We started laughing real, honest, full laughs and remembered that a good laugh can make you feel better in an instant. We helped each other and are still helping each other move forward.

There were times during the following weeks that I felt like I was watching myself from a distance. I couldn't believe my own strength. You honestly could never predict how you would react to this experience and to witness myself healing and dealing with this tragedy with the slightest bit of grace and peace was truly remarkable to me. I spoke to and thanked God more times than you could possibly imagine.

It's truly amazing to me the peace I was and still am able to find in this situation. It's been months since that devastating day and while I still feel sadness and have moments where I just have to cry it out, I am still at peace. I am still strong. I still know we are getting through this and we can't even begin to imagine the joy that is yet to come in our lives.

The Rain on our Parade

I have been working on this post for weeks. I sit down and write a few pieces of this story and I need to put it away for a while until I feel brave again. I am torn between having so much to say and nothing to say at all. I've been praying to find the words. I've been praying for courage and strength. I've been praying for grace.

Guys, I love sharing our joy through writing and blogging, but I don’t want to avoid sharing the not-so-great stuff. I want to share the struggles because they are part of our story.

Recently, I've shared all the joy and celebrating we’ve had over the last few months and there is no doubt that life has been so good to us. What I haven't shared is that in November, it rained on our parade a bit.

We knew early on that we didn't want to wait long before starting a family together after we got married. I want to say it was March or April when we really started trying to get pregnant and on October 21 at about 3:00 in the morning, we were wide awake celebrating the positive pregnancy test we’d been praying for. We were fairly certain we were pregnant and ously couldn’t sleep so I got up at 3 a.m. to take another test. There was no doubt about it – we were officially pregnant and couldn’t have been more thrilled! So thrilled, that I never went back to sleep that night – I was just too over-the-moon excited. I was only 4 weeks along at that point - it was early.

We all know the facts. We know how likely a miscarriage is in the first 12 weeks. But knowing the facts doesn’t make it any easier to cope when it becomes your reality.

Sadly, the day before Thanksgiving at our 8 week appointment, we learned we had lost the baby. We looked at the screen to find the same image we’d seen at our ultrasound 2 weeks earlier - a speck. No heartbeat. Nothing. I knew it as soon as I looked up and I'm certain Jonathan did as well. I laid back listening to him try to make conversation with the ultrasound tech and her staying completely silent until finally saying it out loud to us. I couldn’t even look at Jonathan. I was so heartbroken for him – for us.

I can't compare what I felt at that moment to anything I've ever felt before. Devastation? I don't know. Even devastation doesn't cover it. When you find out your pregnant, it's a time full of such genuine hope and joy. We basked in that joy and hope and in an instant, it was ripped away.

The next day was Thanksgiving, my favorite day of the year. We were supposed to be staying in town and spending the day with Jonathan's grandparents and parents, but I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. I honestly just wanted to hide from the world. My heart was so heavy. I was crushed. I told Jonathan to go ahead without me. I love all of our family, I just didn't have it in me to celebrate.

When Jonathan told me no, that instead he was taking me to my parents' house almost 2 hours away, I was reminded once again of the strong and selfless man I married. The hugs we received from my mom, dad, sisters and brother when we walked in the door did wonders for our broken hearts. Playing board games and laughing with my siblings provided us a much needed distraction from our sadness and when we sat down on my parents' couch after dinner, I looked up at Jonathan with the saddest tears in my eyes and was still able to tell him we have so much to be thankful for. In the midst of my sorrow, I was/am still incredibly aware of the blessings in our life.

In the days and weeks following our sad news, I'm pretty sure I experienced every emotion possible - grief, sadness, peace, frustration, hope, impatience, sometimes all of these in the span of a few hours. I was and still am trying to grieve and heal my heart and that can mean something different for everyone.

I'll be back to share what this journey has been like for us but I think I may have shared enough for today. My heart hurts a bit but writing these words is part of the process for me and it feels good to share our story, even when it isn't all sunshine. 

Mine & Ours: 2015 Resolutions

Hola! We're home from Cancun and I can't wait to share our fun with all of you later this week. For now, though, I'm sharing some of our resolutions for 2015.

Obviously one of my New Year's resolutions was not to be on time (it should have been) seeing how I'm finally posting this and January is almost over. I'm going to go ahead and say it's better this way because I can give an update on how we are doing almost a month into the year.

I'm pretty sporadic when it comes to making New Year's resolutions. In 2011, I think I made a list of vague goals, I'm pretty sure I completely skipped out on resolutions in 2012 and 2013 and in 2014, my only resolution was to be less frantic than the year before. To be fair, I think I did accomplish that one - I slowed down a bit and didn't over commit to things.

This year, I knew I wanted to not only make some resolutions for myself, but that I wanted to make my resolutions as specific as possible. I was glad to hear Jonathan wanted to do the same so a few days before New Year's Eve, we took a break from all our party prepping and we sat down together to discuss and write down our resolutions. We helped each other define exactly what we wanted to accomplish and how we would do it. What I love is that once we decided on our individual resolutions, we came up with some resolutions for us as a couple.

Mine

(one) Complete my volunteer training for Ronald McDonald House by March 1 so I can begin volunteering there at least once a month

I have been wanting to get involved with an organization and volunteer on a regular basis for a while, but I haven't made it a priority to go through the process involved. I coordinated a volunteer event with Ronald McDonald House for our team at work last year and decided then that I wanted to get involved on my own. I've already attended the volunteer orientation, but have two attend 2 training sessions and 2 shadow sessions before I can get on the schedule to volunteer on a consistent basis. I already have my first session scheduled for next week and I'm planning on knocking out the rest in February. I'm excited to complete the process and start volunteering there -- it's such a great organization.

(two) Lose at least 15 pounds by the end of March by cutting back on carbs and working out at least 3 times a week

I'm off to a really start with this one. Before we left for Cancun, I had already lost 4 pounds and I was sticking to my commitment of working out at least 3 days a week. I'd be lying if I said I didn't indulge a bit on our trip, but today I jumped right back into it and it feels good to be making some progress.

(three) Spend at least one hour a week reading the bible

I've been thinking about this for some time - wanting to devote time to studying the bible on my own. This has been going really well so far. I've been breaking up the hour throughout the week reading for 15 or 20 minutes before bed and it's been great. I hadn't even planned on this, but a friend of mine told me there was a Beth Moore Bible study starting at our church this month and I'm so glad she did! Last night was our second week and I am loving every second. The homework every week just gives me another reason to sit down and focus on this. 

(four) Start blogging again by posting at least one blog post per week

I'm doing it, I'm really doing it! I've told myself so many times over the last few months I was going to get back into it and I just couldn't do it. I feel like I have the itch to write again and I'm excited to sit down here and share my life and thoughts with the world -- or the handful of readers I have. Either way, I'm happy to be writing again!

Ours

(one) Pray more, worry less

(two) Hold each other accountable

(three) Keep cell phones and other technology out of site during meals together

(four) Join a couple's bible study/church group

(five) Volunteer in the community together at least once per quarter

(six) Play and laugh more

(seven) Live in the moment

These may not be overly ambitious but I think we can certainly stand to remind ourselves to pray more, worry less, laugh more and be spontaneous. We so enjoyed our marriage prep course through the church. We got to meet and get to know some great couples and really enjoyed the discussions. We knew the church also had a young married couples group and we've been meaning to get involved. Well, we'll be attending our first group meeting this Sunday -- I'm really looking forward to it! 

I'm feeling pretty good about all of this right now. We've got some great things going on individually and in our relationship. I feel like because of these resolutions, I/we have been more intentional with our time. It feels good.

What kind of resolutions have you made for this year? How are they going so far?

It's been a year and I'm finally posting about our honeymoon

I started slacking on Wedding Wednesday posts a long time ago and now it's been over a year since our wedding, so I never really got around to blogging about our honeymoon. Our trip to Cancun this weekend has me reminiscing and I thought now would be the perfect time for a honeymoon post.

We headed to Punta Cana early the morning after our wedding and enjoyed 5 days of beautiful weather, sun bathing, massages and total relaxation. It was everything we needed our honeymoon to be after months of wedding planning and such a perfect celebration with our family. With that being said, our trip had some ups and downs.

For starters, I haven't always had the best luck with flying. I've been stranded in cities on my own more times than I liked to remember through no fault of my own. I get to the airport super early so I don't risk missing my flight and still, I've missed connecting flights due to weather issues, flight delays, left phalanges missing (Friends reference - sorry I had to) and God knows what else. Needless to say, it didn't shock me when we buckled into our seats to head to Charlotte (where we were catching our connecting flight to Punta Cana), passed out immediately due to sheer exhaustion and woke up two hours later having not moved from the runway. I knew immediately we missed our connecting flight and proceeded to fill Jonathan in on my bad flight karma. When we finally landed in Charlotte, we learned our connecting flight was long gone and we had 10 minutes to get across the airport to get a flight going back to Florida, then to Punta Cana. I'm just glad we made that flight or we would have spent the first night of our honeymoon in Charlotte. We left Orlando at 8 a.m. and made it to Punta Cana by oh, about midnight. 

Jonathan spent the second day of our honeymoon in bed with the stomach bug and as luck would have it, as we waited for the shuttle to take us to the airport for our trip home, the stomach bug made it's way to me just in time for a long day of travel home. It's safe to say hundreds of people in the Punta Cana airport and every single person on our flight witnessed watched me get sick that day and poor Jonathan - I was a wreck on our 3 hour flight and he was so great taking care of me.

Our honeymoon was great even with the ups and downs and I think our life together is the same. Even though in our marriage, we will go through ups and downs depending on what's happening in our life, it's still pretty amazing and we are incredibly blessed. It didn't take long at all for us to be able to laugh at the things that went wrong on our honeymoon and despite those things, we can still say it was an amazing trip. We just focus more on the couples massage, the walks on the beach and the pina coladas than we do the missed flights and illness. If we continue approaching life together this way, focusing on the good and being there for each other in the not-so-good, I truly believe we will be incredibly happy no matter the circumstance.

With all that being said, I'm obviously hoping for smooth travel and no illness for our trip to Cancun this weekend! 

Celebrating all the Things

Happy New Year!

It’s been months since I made an appearance here and I miss it, I really do. This year, I want to be better about writing and get back to blogging like I used to. You may even notice I'm changing up my design here to celebrate my return. It's a work in progress of course, but I'm excited.

The last few months have been so busy for us – full of weddings, trips, family gatherings and to be honest, we’ve also experienced some major heartbreak in our lives. I’ll catch you up on all of this eventually.

The holiday season has been full of absolute joy and fun for us – we hosted several holiday get togethers with friends, we were able to spend time on Christmas with both families, we hosted a huge New Year’s bash at our house and on Saturday, we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary. I feel like we’ve been in a constant state of celebrating and it’s been pretty fantastic.

We were lucky enough to have our niece and nephew in town for Christmas this year, so we slept over at my in-laws house on Christmas Eve so we could wake up with the kids in the morning. It was pretty fun playing Santa and setting up all the gifts, not to mention getting to see the look on their faces in the morning. We opened gifts in the morning and headed to my do gifts and dinner with my siblings and parents in the afternoon. I worried a bit that we would feel stressed or rushed since my parents live an hour and a half from us, but everything worked out perfectly. It felt like a nice long day and I was so glad we made the effort to split the day between families.

We made the decision a few months ago to host a NYE party at our house to make up for not even seeing midnight last year. Don't get me wrong, last year was PERFECT. It was 2 days before our wedding so I wasn't about to get crazy anyway and we had my niece and nephews from Buffalo staying at our house. We watched Turbo with the kids and had a big sleepover in our bedroom -- I wouldn't change a thing about NYE 2014. 

With that being said, I was pretty psyched to go all out this year. I spent so much time on Pinterest getting inspiration for decor and whatnot. I even designed the invitation we mailed out to about 40 of our friends and family. We never expected this, but the RSVPs rolled in and next thing we knew, we were expecting about 50 guests! 

We hired a bartender, Jonathan bought loads of fireworks, we solicited help from friends for food and drinks and asked my mom to make her famous baked ziti for all these people. Thank goodness for everyone's help because I think we pulled it off quite perfectly. 

 
Last but certainly not least, we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary yesterday. It's crazy to me how fast our first year went by and how much happened in such a short time! It's been pretty hectic lately with the holidays and prepping (then the super fun clean up) from our NYE party, so we kept things pretty simple which was just what we needed.

After a morning of snuggling, mimosas and catching a few more Friends episodes (Thank you Netflix, thank you!), we did a few things around the house and ran some errands together. We went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and spent the evening talking about marriage and our relationship. We talked about the early months of our relationship and all the fun things we've done together. When we got home, we opened a bottle of champagne and sat down to read all the advice our guests left for us at our wedding -- it was perfect and so much fun to read what everyone had to say to us. It was the most perfect anniversary celebration.

Sadly, it's back to work for me today. I haven't worked since Tuesday of last week and it's been glorious, but I guess this party had to end eventually. With that being said, in less than 2 weeks we'll be in Cancun for a long weekend to celebrate my friend's wedding. In the meantime, we'll be getting use out of our NutriBullet and getting back in the gym because while the last few months have been fun, they have not been the healthiest.

I hope the holiday season was full of joy for you! I'm excited to be back and in the next few days, I'm looking forward to sharing our resolutions for 2015 and talk a little more about our first year of marriage.

I forgot to blog for a month, but I'm back.

Oh, hey. I'm back after an unplanned break from blogging. It's been over a month since my last post and I miss it. Honestly, I don't know that I'll ever be a big time blogger who shows up here a few times every week and I'm okay with that. I just want to make sure I keep writing. It may not matter to anyone else, but coming here when I have something to say or something to share makes me feel good so I need to make more of an effort to keep it up. Here's what's been going on in my world lately -

Lots of family time and because of this, my heart is oh so happy.

After months and months of hearing about how awesome Stitch Fix is, I finally tried it out for myself. You probably already know about Stitch Fix, but if you haven't heard of it before, you fill out a style profile on their website and pay a $20 styling fee, then select a delivery date. Stitch Fix ships 5 items (clothing and accessories) to you to try on in the comfort of your own home and you choose what you'd like to keep and what you want to send back. The $20 styling fee can be used toward your total purchase and they provide a pre-paid envelope for you to send back the items you don't want.

I've read a lot of Stitch Fix reviews and based on others' experiences, I knew the first fix typically wasn't great...that it takes a few times for your stylist to get to know your style and preferences. Still, I couldn't wait to see what they sent me!

I'll be better at posting more info on the items I receive going forward, but my first fix contained a pair of earrings, a casual tank top, a pair of black dress pants, a navy blouse and a denim jacket. Aside from the denim jacket, I liked everything I received but I sent back everything but the earrings. Both tops were really cute, but I didn't love the fit of the tank top and the blue shirt had flutter sleeves that just weren't flattering. The dress pants were great, but I don't think the fit was right for me and the denim jacket....I just didn't see myself ever wearing it.

I may have only kept one item from my first fix, but I am thrilled with it so far! I can see why my stylist chose each item based on the information I provided even though I didn't end up keeping them. I know by providing feedback and details on my style to Stitch Fix, the items I receive will get better and better. It goes without saying that I went ahead and scheduled another fix for next month and can't wait to see what I get!

If you're interested in giving Stitch Fix a try, click this link to the Stitch Fix website and sign up for an account!

I'm getting back in shape. Seriously this time. I've made some half-assed attempts at getting back to the gym lately, but this month, I'm not messing around anymore. I made it to the gym 5 days last week and it feels really good. It's amazing what a difference it makes in my mood and energy level. I know this shouldn't be news to me..but when you get in a rut you forget how good it makes you feel to be active and in shape. Well, here's to never forgetting again because I feel like a whole new person.

Still cooking and baking up a storm. First of all, if you've never had a cream cheese carrot cake muffin, I suggest you change that as soon as possible. I'm not even a huge carrot cake fan and I had to give just about all of these away before I ate them all.

I also made a pineapple salsa recipe a few weeks ago for a get together at our house and it was a huge hit. I'm saving that for it's own post, though, because it deserves to be in the spotlight. I tried this Parmesan Zucchini and Corn recipe the other night and it was delicious and super easy to make. I also just recently successfully fried an egg for the first time. It was a big deal in our house because usually I leave that up to Jonathan and stick to what I know: scrambled eggs. To celebrate this momentous occasion, for breakfast on Saturday I made this bacon, egg, cheese and avocado sandwich for Jonathan it and it just about blew his mind. My man loves his avocado and I get really excited when I'm making something I know he is really going to like. You could say I'm (1) loving every second of being a wife and (2) really enjoy being in the kitchen these days.

Enjoying this season of our lives. Marriage is freaking awesome. I'm simply amazed by it. Sometimes I still have to stop in my tracks and wonder on how earth this kind of love found us. It's hard to believe and it's something I will continue to praise God for and celebrate for ever and ever.

We're busy and happy and healthy and I couldn't ask for much more than that!

We Spent 3 Hours at the Movies & Forgot to See a Movie

This past Friday as I drove home from work, I couldn't help but think we were due for a spontaneous date night. I called Jonathan and told him we should go out to a movie or something and that is just what we did....

Well, kinda.

With nothing in theaters we were dying to see, we settled on the 9:45 showing of 22 Jump Street. We figured even if it wasn't great, we might get a few laughs out of it and hey, we never go to the movies so why not? We headed out super early so we could stop and have a drinks and some appetizers near the theater first. Even still, we got to the movie theater a good hour and a half before the movie which is totally fine because they have a bar and video games. We ordered ourselves a round of drinks and after playing a few games, started to wonder what the heck we were going to do with ourselves for the next hour or so.We grabbed a table at the bar and were were having a blast just talking. It’s so funny how you can live with someone and see them every day but it’s still so important to go on actual dates with each other to really engage in conversation and focus on each other. I was loving every minute. 

So much so, that Jonathan looked at the clock and realized it was 9:45 and the movie was already starting. We’d been doing plenty of drinking, but not much eating and we’d also planned on grabbing food before the movie. Where did the time go? Jonathan jumped up in a panic and I spent about 30 seconds trying to convince him we should just skip the movie all together because I was having too much fun. Always the more reasonable one, he convinced me to go in the theater but not before we picked up pizza and snacks on our way in.

Finally, we walked into the theater to find there were no seats available. Zero. I couldn't help but laugh as we stood there with snacks and drinks and nowhere to sit. Luckily, they were kind enough to let us swap out our tickets for something else. We ended up with tickets for the 10:30 showing of Neighbors and decided to head straight in the theater so we didn't miss another one. By this point, we’d been in the movie theater since 8:00 and I was 3 vodka tonics down. We found seats and ate our snacks while we waited for the movie to start. Finally, 10:30 came around and as the movie started, I started to feel sleepy and antsy. I’ve made the mistake of going to a movie drunk before and I’m just not cut out for it. I need conversation. I need activity. Give me a few drinks then sit me down to be quiet for a few hours and I’m ready for bed in no time. I powered through the first 15 minutes of the movie when like music to my ears, Jonathan whispered in my ear, “Let’s go home.”

We spent 3 hours in the movie theater and after attempting to see 2 movies, we went home after seeing zero movies. As Jonathan said, "Only we would get to the theater an hour and a half before a movie and somehow miss the movie."

The best part about this whole thing? I'm not the slightest bit upset that we missed the movie both movies. I loved every minute of these shenanigans. I had the most fun sitting at the bar with my husband, then sitting in an empty theater eating pizza and laughing at everything. The nights that don't go as planned always turn out to be my very favorite ones. 

Because Life is a Special Occasion

Last night had the potential to be so productive. I always have so much I want to accomplish in the evenings when I get home from work and quite often, I ditch those plans pretty quick to relax with Jonathan. Last night was one of those nights. After sitting down for one of our favorite dinners as of late, spaghetti squash with turkey pesto meatballs, Jonathan pulled a bottle of champagne out of the fridge and suddenly my plans to be productive were long gone.

We rarely drink champagne and hardly ever keep it in the house, but we happened to have a few bottles leftover from Easter brunch. Jonathan made a comment about how he'd normally want to save it for a special occasion, which obviously prompted me to pull up the following quote on my phone:

We popped open a bottle (or two), settled in for a few episodes of Orange is the New Black and clinked glasses no less than 6 times because when I'm drinking champagne, I can't hep but cheers to anything and everything. It was quite the celebration, let me tell you. Nights like this are my favorite nights. It was just an ordinary Wednesday evening and because we decided to do what we wanted to do rather than what we needed to do, it turned into something special. It's just another reminder that we shouldn't wait for the right moment or a special occasion to wear something, do something or drink something. Our life is a freaking special occasion and there are always so many reasons to celebrate, so why wait?

Cheers to marriage, living in the moment and waking up hangover-free and making it to the gym at 5 a.m. It truly is a Christmas miracle that I don't have a pounding headache right meow. 

Embracing & Celebrating the Right Now

I like to think of the different stages of life as seasons. If you ever think back on times of struggle you’ve endured, isn’t it funny to reflect on how burdened you were feeling in those circumstances? It can feel as if you’re never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. As you northerners can attest to, it’s much like winter. By the time April rolls around and it’s still snowing, you start to wonder if it’ll ever end…if spring will ever come.

It doesn’t always go that way though, sometimes the season change is more like summer to fall, which is never a bad thing, especially for Floridians like myself. You are soaking up the long days and warm evenings of summer and loving every second. By the time fall rolls around, you welcome the season with open arms because we all know Fall means it’ll start to cool down (even if it’s only a by few degrees) and fall is full of its own excitement in the form of all things pumpkin, candy corn and adorable children dressed up as princesses and super heroes.  

I guess what I’m saying is that just as the seasons change, so do the “seasons” of our life. Going through a difficult time? It will pass. I can’t promise how long it will take, but just like the snow finally starts to melt and spring arrives, the difficult time will pass and you will…bloom (sorry, I had to). I know this because I have experienced that moment of relief when you finally move out of that place.

I’ve been thinking of this a lot lately. Our engagement was such a wonderful time in our lives. It was a period full of long talks about our future, celebrations, hope and absolute joy all leading up to the most memorable day of our lives.

As the excitement and chaos of engagement and wedding planning faded away and we settled into our lives as newlyweds, we’ve found that this season is full of its own experiences and feelings of joy that make it special and unique. We’ll never be newlyweds again and this time in our lives is one we’ll look back on years from now and reminisce about.

Jonathan and I absolutely can’t wait for the day we become parents. We’re planners almost to a fault, the both of us and while at times we think it would be great to know when we’ll be blessed with the gift of a little him or a mini me, we have faith that God has a plan for us and his timing will be impeccable, as always. It’s a gift from Him that we don’t know when. Because it’s in His hands, we are able to focus on soaking in every joyous moment (and to find peace and comfort in any not-so-joyous moments) because before we know it, the leaves could change, the temperature could fall, the flowers could bloom and we’ll be moving on to another season together…a season of dirty diapers and late night feedings, of lullabies and adorable little baby feet, of unconditional love and very little sleep.

We honestly can’t wait for all of it, but in the meantime, I am so completely happy in this moment. I’m so very aware that this time in our lives is so unique and precious. It feels like life is moving at warped speed and I’m making sure I truly appreciate it while I’m living it. Simple things like shopping for patio furniture and negotiating with Jonathan over which color cushions to buy, chatting on our patio about what we need to do to prep for the Easter brunch we’re hosting at our happy home or even simply introducing this wonderful man as my husband…it’s all new and exciting and unique to the right now and I am loving every second. 

This is Adulthood

I'm 27 years young and judging from how often people ask me what college I attend, I look even younger than that. I'm not at a point where I'm freaking out about getting older or anything and Jonathan and I have both been through of fair share of adult experiences, but it has been funny lately how now that we are married, Jonathan and I are experiencing so many new "welcome to adulthood" moments...moments where it really hits us that we are big kids now.

Family Planning. We've had lots of conversations about starting a family and speculated how long we'd want to wait and whatnot, but now that we are officially married, these conversations have become much more specific and while I want to keep our specific plans to ourselves, it's so surreal to be having these conversations with my husband. 

Life insurance. Earlier this week, we we met with one of Jonathan's clients, a financial adviser to discuss life insurance options. Neither one of us have had any life insurance in place and we want to change that as soon as possible. We spent the evening discusses our goals for retirement, our finances and different options for investing and planned to meet again next week to go over his recommendations. As we chatted about the meeting on our way home, I couldn't help but smile to myself because there we were in the car on a Tuesday evening having a discussion about life insurance....woah. This is adulthood. 

Hosting meals. Jonathan and I have hosted a handful of parties, bonfires, barbecues and whatnot since we met, but since the wedding we've loved hosting friends and family for meals at our house. You already heard all about the awesome brunch we hosted last weekend, but we've even also been the hosts with the most for dinner. This is kind of a big deal for me because I wasn't much of a cook before Jonathan and I started dating. It's crazy to think that a year ago I was nervous about cooking just about anything and now I'm putting together entire meals for others. There's something about inviting your in-laws over for dinner, planning the meal and cooking the whole thing yourselves that makes you realize you're adults now.

Canceling cable. I'm so glad we made the decision to combine our finances a few months before our wedding. At the time, I was selling my house and it felt like we were making it rain spending so much on our wedding that it made sense for us to go ahead and make the move then. I can't imagine having to do all that now that we are settling into married life and trying to get other things in order. With that being said, we are still working on adjusting our monthly budget and searching for ways to save money and cut costs. Earlier this week, we made the decision to cancel cable. We're keeping our Internet, obviously, but getting rid of cable and DVR and all that nonsense is going to save us a ton of money and saving money is FUN. With Netflix, Hulu and AppleTV, I honestly don't think we'll miss cable a bit. But making decisions like this is so grown up, huh?

Meal planning. My grocery store visits as a single girl were much, much different than they are today. As a lady who didn't do much cooking, my trips to Publix consisted of me toeing the line between healthy food but also food that didn't take much preparation. This resulted in me eating a lot of fruits, oatmeal, Special K protein bars and bagged salad. Now that I'm the lady of our house and quite the chef (if I do say so myself), my grocery shopping a bit more strategic. I am absolutely not a fan of going to the grocery store multiple times a week. I like to go into our week knowing what I'm going to cook each night and make one big trip to Publix to shop for the week. These days, Sunday mornings I typically sit down and plan our meals and try to get the grocery shopping done that afternoon. This feels so responsible and adult-like...and even mom-ish of me...haha. 

Sure, sure, sure, being an adult is certainly not what we thought it would be when we were in middle school, but I'm still a fan. Making difficult decisions about life insurance is certainly not one of the things I looked forward to when I was young and I can't help but laugh when I realize Jonathan and I are having a 10 minute conversation about how great our new Tupperware is, but I really do love where we are at in life. We are getting older, but I know there is always something to look forward to and things we still haven't experienced. Adulthood isn't always easy and isn't always fun, but I'm going in this with a pretty damn good partner, so it's all good to me. 

What kind of "This is Adulthood" moments have you experienced? Do you find yourself laughing at how grown up you are all of a sudden?