Getting Back to Normal

Hi everyone! I hope you all are having a happy Monday. I'm starting to feel like myself again after a tough few days and I'm ready to get back to the usual on here. In the midst of the last week, lots of ridiculous stuff has been going on that really makes my new blog subtitle fitting for me and my life. Unfortunately, I am a little busy at work today so I will have to fill you all in later. In the meantime, I wanted to share this song with you all. It is currently my anthem and I think we all need this reminder sometimes. Enjoy :)

Think Good Thoughts by Colbie Caillat

Grieving

I apologize for the back-to-back Debbie Downer posts. I promise things will be back to normal shortly. My goal with this blog is to write about my life and how I am living it in a way that makes me happy. I know I’m not living up to my “Little Miss Sunshine” title, but just bear with me for one more post.

This week has been tough to say the least. The death of Scott has left me feeling so regretful and heartbroken.

Regrets 

I’ve never been one to regret anything. One of my biggest things is that I don’t think you should regret anything, because at one point it was the right decision. I’ve never known the feeling of true regret until now. I don’t regret breaking things off with Scott when I did, but I regret so many other things that happened after that. I regret acting the way I’ve been acting. I wanted him to fight for me, and when he didn’t, I was rude to him about it. That’s not the person I am.

The Grieving Process

I’ve been thinking a lot about the grieving process. I’ve grieved the deaths of loved ones before and my reaction and healing has been different each time. I guess with this one, I’m feeling so many things at the same time.

I still can’t accept that this happened. I can’t wrap my head around it.

I am so angry. I’m so angry at him for leaving us like this. I’m mad at him for being so reckless. I’m angry at the timing and unfairness of life sometimes. It’s hard to accept that it was his time to go. I don’t want to be angry, especially not with him.

Blessings

Through Scott, I was lucky enough to meet his wonderfully strong and supportive friends. Being around them, I feel an incredible amount of comfort. Together, they are able to laugh and celebrate Scotty. It is what he would want and I’m so glad they include me in it.

As I told his mother last night at the viewing, Scott brought an incredible amount of fun and laughter into my life in the short time I knew him. He had a smile that will never be forgotten. The memories he gave me will help me through this and I know everything will be okay. I was lucky enough to know him and that is a blessing in itself.

As cliché as it may be, I know Scotty wouldn’t want me to be crying or sad right now. It will be okay. I’m looking forward to that day, because right now it seems far away.  

Thank you all for putting up with this. Even if you don’t read it or didn’t enjoy it, it is helping me right now to write what I’m feeling. Thanks for your patience. I hope everyone is having a good week. To end on an uplifting note, I’ll share a quote with you…

"Be strong now because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it can't rain forever."

A Sad Story

The sun isn’t shining in my world today, literally or figuratively. I woke up this morning and for a split second, it was just another day…like everything that happened yesterday was just a bad dream. It didn’t take long for that moment to pass.

Scott, known to all of you as The Umpire, died early Friday morning.  He wrecked his truck driving home from a night out with his friends. Like several other Thursday nights, he played softball, went to his favorite bar with the guys and then to the country bar we both frequent.

At his favorite bar just a few days after we met

I know that nothing I could’ve done differently or changed about the last few weeks would make a difference, but I can’t help but feel so much regret. The last time we talked, I was sarcastic and rude to him. I've been so mad at him after hearing from several people that he wasn’t a good guy…that I should’ve known better. That was a few weeks ago. Since then, I intended to text him just to let him know there were no hard feelings.

I also knew that it was only a matter of time before he snuck up behind me at the gym and we would talk and he would manage to make me laugh and smile no matter how tough I wanted to come across and everything would be fine. To think that the last time we spoke was weeks ago and it was such a negative, immature conversation is devastating to me.

I’m so mad. I’m mad at him for being so reckless and I’m mad at myself for being mad at him right now. I’m heartbroken for his amazing family and his good friends. I’m trying to figure out how I’m ever going to go to the gym again and not look around for him. With this flood of emotions, I want to make sure I never forget a few things that stood out the most to me in the short time he was in my life...

• One night just after we met, I met him and his friends at a bar. I was leaving the next day to go out of town for the weekend. At the end of the night, I said goodbye to him at his truck. He wasn’t happy about me leaving for the weekend and I remember him giving me the longest, strongest hug. I told him I’d miss him and he looked up at me with that handsome smile and said, “You’re the one that is leaving. When did I say it was okay for you to leave me for so long?” Now, all I want to do is hug him really hard and say the same words to him.

• After dating for about a week, him and his friends came downtown with a huge group of us to celebrate my 25^th birthday. By the end of the night when I could no longer walk in my heels, he carried me in his arms through downtown Orlando. It’s not that he just carried me, but he had that same big smile on his face that attracted me to him so much. When he finally put me down, he took his own shoes off and made me wear them so my feet didn’t get dirty. I looked so silly, but I was overwhelmed by how cute and sweet that was.

• Just a few months later, we celebrated his birthday at Cowboys, the country bar we both frequented. I teased him all night about getting him on the dance floor with me. I did this a lot and every now and then I was successful. After dragging him out there for a slow song as the bar was getting ready to close, instead of rushing off after, he kept going! When the Cha Cha Slide came on, I thought for sure he would make a beeline for the door, with about 12 people left in the whole bar, Scott and I got down to that song on the dance floor. This song is definitely not my kinda music and definitely wasn’t his, but it was hilarious to be out there with him dancing like that. I laughed so hard that night.

 

Scott, I want you to know that I care about you. I know no matter what, we would have been friends for a long time. Your smile is infectious and even thinking of it now, I can’t help but smile too. I’m glad I met you. I’m glad to have known you and to have met your family and friends. Please look out for all of us. xoxo

quotes.

Happy Wednesday everyone! As if I needed another Internet addiction, I have been spending way too much time on Pinterest lately...mostly pinning quotes. Today I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you...enjoy :) 

So very true.
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This makes me want to go on an adventure.
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My nana always used to sing this <3
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In honor of my former blog name :)
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Always a good reminder.
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This makes me want to read The Help AGAIN and see the movie AGAIN.
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I hope everyone is having a great week! Keep smiling!

Happy Blogoversary to Me

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Today is my first blogoversary. One year ago today, I spent hours sitting in Starbucks furiously writing away. Walking into Starbucks that day, I was so excited to get started but I was also a little nervous…What if I couldn’t come up with topics to write about? What if I couldn’t find the right words to say? Worst of all, what if NO ONE reads it?

As I sat there and started typing away, I put all of those concerns to rest. It was as if I couldn’t write fast enough and I remember feeling so giddy with excitement about it all! I’ve always loved to write and it was as if I was rediscovering that love all over again. I left Starbucks that day with all of my concerns put to rest. I was a blogger.

As most of you know, this blog came about because I started to live life fully and love everything about it. I stopped taking life so seriously, I entered the dating world with a new outlook, I learned to laugh at myself and I wanted to share those stories with you all. A year later, I am still living and loving my life and learning things along the way. And I really enjoy sharing it all with you guys!

It’s so easy for me to get caught up in number of followers, page views and comments (or lack thereof,) but at the end of the day, this is something I do for me. There are so many times where I feel so overwhelmed and confused over something, that I don’t even know what to write. I sit down at the computer, and next thing you know, everything becomes clear. There are many reasons why I blog, but most importantly, I blog because I enjoy it.

I really want to thank you all for reading and being a part of my story. There may not be a ton of you, but I appreciate your feedback and support more than you know. 

P.S. I hope you all like the new design and blog title!