What Comes Next? Finding Strength in Sadness

It's been quiet around here since I shared the story of our miscarriage with you all last week. I haven't known quite what else to say about it to be honest. I want to share what the last few months of healing have been like for us, but these emotions are so unique and I've had a hard time putting it all into words. I guess one thing you all you should know is that we are doing well. We really are.

In the weeks following our sad news, I certainly wouldn't have said we were doing well with as much conviction. I attempted to go into work the following Monday because I didn't really know what to do with myself. I cried the whole way there and sat in my desk chair crying for half an hour when I arrived, only to go right back home. I had been holding up okay over the weekend, but something about being back to a normal routine didn't feel right. I fell apart.

I spent the next several days hiding out at home. I kept myself busy decorating our home for Christmas and getting things done around the house. Being at home was comforting to me. The only person I saw was Jonathan and he knew what I was feeling, what I needed. Home was a safe haven away from having to put on a brave face for the outside world. All that being said, I think I dealt with all of this fairly well.

One thing you need to know is that in the midst of our sorrow and disappointment, we have such faith in God that we knew everything was truly going to be okay. We may not understand God's plan at times, but that isn't our job. Our job is to trust in Him no matter the circumstances. Were we devastated? Yes. Did we feel like the wind had been completely taken out of our sails? Absolutely. Did we have moments of overwhelming sadness? Of course. But in all of this, we found strength in Him and had complete faith that we were going to be okay.

I eventually found the courage to return to work and it was certainly an adjustment. Responding to comments and support I received from co-workers/friends/relatives, all with good intentions was a unique challenge in the first few weeks. It's not that these gestures are not appreciated, it's just that you don't really know how to respond without falling apart. It requires understanding and grace, that's all I can say about it.

I wasn't quite myself, but I was trying and as I healed, I started feeling like myself again slowly but surely. I started socializing more and getting out and about. I found so much comfort in my husband and we would talk and talk until we both felt any weight we'd be feeling had been lifted. We faced this together and  we supported each other. We started laughing real, honest, full laughs and remembered that a good laugh can make you feel better in an instant. We helped each other and are still helping each other move forward.

There were times during the following weeks that I felt like I was watching myself from a distance. I couldn't believe my own strength. You honestly could never predict how you would react to this experience and to witness myself healing and dealing with this tragedy with the slightest bit of grace and peace was truly remarkable to me. I spoke to and thanked God more times than you could possibly imagine.

It's truly amazing to me the peace I was and still am able to find in this situation. It's been months since that devastating day and while I still feel sadness and have moments where I just have to cry it out, I am still at peace. I am still strong. I still know we are getting through this and we can't even begin to imagine the joy that is yet to come in our lives.

Because Life is a Special Occasion

Last night had the potential to be so productive. I always have so much I want to accomplish in the evenings when I get home from work and quite often, I ditch those plans pretty quick to relax with Jonathan. Last night was one of those nights. After sitting down for one of our favorite dinners as of late, spaghetti squash with turkey pesto meatballs, Jonathan pulled a bottle of champagne out of the fridge and suddenly my plans to be productive were long gone.

We rarely drink champagne and hardly ever keep it in the house, but we happened to have a few bottles leftover from Easter brunch. Jonathan made a comment about how he'd normally want to save it for a special occasion, which obviously prompted me to pull up the following quote on my phone:

We popped open a bottle (or two), settled in for a few episodes of Orange is the New Black and clinked glasses no less than 6 times because when I'm drinking champagne, I can't hep but cheers to anything and everything. It was quite the celebration, let me tell you. Nights like this are my favorite nights. It was just an ordinary Wednesday evening and because we decided to do what we wanted to do rather than what we needed to do, it turned into something special. It's just another reminder that we shouldn't wait for the right moment or a special occasion to wear something, do something or drink something. Our life is a freaking special occasion and there are always so many reasons to celebrate, so why wait?

Cheers to marriage, living in the moment and waking up hangover-free and making it to the gym at 5 a.m. It truly is a Christmas miracle that I don't have a pounding headache right meow. 

Telling Self Doubt to Get Out

Happy Wednesday, friends! I'm taking the week off from Wedding Wednesday mostly because I opted to drink wine and proceeded to take 3 hours to cook dinner last night, which left no time for me to choose which photos from our reception I wanted to share. It works out because I have a bit of exciting news and not a whole lot of time to write about it.

I got a bit of a promotion at my new job! I started working here at the end of February and since then I've been in more of a support/administrative role than I was expecting. I was approached a few weeks ago about another opportunity with the company as they were thinking about hiring from outside and instead, wanted to see if I would be interested. As of this week, I'm officially our Business Development Coordinator and I'm pretty psyched. It's a lot more responsibility and much better fit for my experience so things couldn't have worked out better. 

I guess you could say yesterday was my first official day in my new role and I went home feeling less than thrilled ...and for no particular reason. I'll admit that while I'm really excited about this opportunity, I'm a little intimidated and a lot overwhelmed. Instead of letting the intimidation empower me to dive in and do my thing, I let self doubt rush over me and take control. 

The thing is, when I calm down and really think about it, I know I can totally do this. I can totally handle the pressure and responsibility that come with this role. What I don't know, I will learn and I have a network of people that will help me figure it out. 

I got this. 

So why is my first instinct to start doubting myself? Because change is always a little bit scary? Because I don't want to fail? Because I am too hard on myself at times? Probably all of the above. But I want to be the confident woman who takes on challenges without thinking twice, who has faith in herself and who doesn't let her thoughts get the best of her. 

It's amazing what a difference a day makes. Here I am on day #2 of my new role and today, I have a new perspective. I feel like I am rocking it. I'm energized and motivated. I'm still a little intimidated and a lot overwhelmed, but I am in control of how I deal with that. With the amount of work I have, I'm just diving in and figuring it out as I go. I'm not allowing myself to take the time for self doubt because I am too busy just doing what I have to do. 

I need to make this my default from here on out because asking myself, "Can I do this?" is just taking time away from when I could just be saying, "I got this."

Easter Brunch Inspiration

Happy Tuesday, friends!

Last week, Jonathan and I made the decision to host our first big holiday as a married couple at our house. We're going to host a big Easter brunch and it's already looking like we'll have close to 20 people joining us. I am so flipping excited about this. Lately, I've really started to enjoy cooking for and hosting people at our home and this is going to be our biggest undertaking yet! I'm already thinking of menu ideas and looking for decorating inspiration. Here are a few ideas that have caught my eye so far:

*I don't even like the taste of peeps but my goodness, this peep garland is going to be hanging in our house somewhere.

*This Easter egg garland looks like a craft project I can totally handle.

*Tulips are a must. I love all the bright colors and it's a perfect Easter flower. So bright and cheerful!

These little carrot cakes are too cute...

*I looooove this idea for utensils. I'm not a huge fan of orange napkins and green silverware, but together they look like a carrot and I just love it.

*It's looking like we may have somewhere around 20 people in our home, so I want to serve as many make ahead meals as possible. This French toast casserole is definitely on the list.

*Another make ahead idea...these Crustless Zucchini & Basil Mini-Quiches would be just perfect.

I don't know about you, but I'm suddenly really hungry. I can't tell you how excited I am to get all the details planned out. The thought of having our families together on Easter in our little home makes me oh so happy. I can't wait to see how it all comes together!

Someday I Will...

Happy Wednesday! I had every intention of linking up for Wedding Wednesday today, but then The Daily Tay announced her "Someday I Will..." link-up and that sounded like a better idea.

 

Someday I will successfully wake up at 5 a.m. for the gym for more than 3 days in a row.

Someday I will be a mother and I absolutely can't wait.

Someday I will volunteer at least once a month.

Someday I will stop quoting Friends on a daily basis. Just kidding..that's not gonna happen.

Someday I will figure out how to use a curling iron.

Someday I will finally start watching Breaking Bad.  

Someday I will attend a Red Sox game at Fenway Park.

Someday I will marry the man of my dreams...and that day is just 65 days from now.

Someday I will learn to be more patient.

Someday I will learn to sit still after I finish polishing my nails long enough for them to dry.

Someday I will write something that gets published.

What will you do someday? 

What's making me oh-so happy lately

The last few weeks have been so wonderful. I feel a sense of peace and calmness I honestly can't put into words. There are a few specific things really adding to the joy lately, though. Things that are making me super duper happy these days:

{one} cooking dinner
I've been on a roll lately with my cooking attempts. I'm happy to say I've successfully made the following recipes in the last few weeks, not to mention the fact that I've also made chicken cordon bleu and chicken Parmesan without using recipes. The best part is, I'm really enjoying it! Who am I?

Crock Pot Chicken Pot Pie 
Skinny Chicken Pesto Bake
Vidalia Pot Roast
 
(two) waking up with early with Jonathan so we can have breakfast together
This is such a simple thing, but it makes a big difference in my day. Jonathan typically leaves for work before I even get up. This means I'm usually rushing to get ready and don't get to spend any quality time with him before our day. We've started getting up together so we can cook and eat breakfast together and it's been so wonderful.

{three} barre fitness classes
Okay, this is a love/hate kinda thing, but I started taking barre classes once a week at the beginning of September and I'm actually liking it. If you haven't heard of barre before, it's an exercise method using the ballet bar. It's basically a combination of ballet, yoga, pilates and is based on small movements meant to lengthen and tone your body. If you're interested in learning more, I'd read up on it here. While you don't have to have been a dancer to take these classes, I'm sure it's a lot easier. I'm not very flexible, so while the workouts are really challenging for me, they are still super beneficial. I don't know, something about doing squats on your tip toes until your legs start to shake really does something for your behind. Anyway, it's a love/hate relationship...hate mostly because it's pretty expensive and I get really frustrated in class when I can't touch my toes as easily as everyone else seems to. Love, because it's something different compared to my typical gym visit and I can see the benefits after only taking a few classes.

{four} getting RSVP cards in the mail
We mailed our wedding invitations just a week ago and the RSVP cards have already started coming in. It's exciting because it means we are getting so close to the big day. I've been loving going through the mail every night which is nice because mail is usually not the most exciting thing as an adult. 

{five} counting down to Thanksgiving weekend
First of all, Thanksgiving is absolutely my favorite holiday. What could possibly make it better? One, the fact that my older sister, my niece and my nephew will be here for Thanksgiving this year. My sister hasn't been home for Thanksgiving in 7 years so I cannot wait to celebrate with them. Two, the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend is also my bridal shower and bachelorette party. I'm so excited to celebrate with the ladies I love. I honestly just can't wait to this weekend to get here!

What's making you happy lately?

Engagement Photo Inspiration

Happy Wednesday!

We have our engagement photo shoot in just a few weeks and I've been browsing Pinterest lately to find some inspiration. I want our photos to reflect our relationship and personalities, but I'm also trying to stay away from anything too cheesy. At the moment, our shoot is scheduled to take place in Downtown Orlando, although we don't have a specific location figured out yet. I'm not a huge fan of incorporating signs and props into our photos, although I do have Jonathan convinced to have a few balloon photos involved. We're planning on two outfits each, one dressy and one casual.

Here's what I'm loving so far:

I love this candid laughing shot

This one is so sweet

I love her outfit.

This twirling shot is so cute.

I love her dress and how natural this shot is.

I don't want to get too stuck on having certain shots in our shoot, but I love all of these. I'd rather our photographer give us some direction and us just be ourselves. I think we'll get some really natural, sweet shots if we don't have specific things in mind. I have been using photos like this to give me some ideas for our outfits and I think I have that part figured out at least.

Where did you have your engagement photos done? How did you make sure the photos reflected your personalities and relationship?

Linking up for Wedding Wednesday :)

3 Childhood Lessons We Need as Adults

"Keep making that face and it will stay that way."

"You have to wait an hour to swim after you eat or you'll get cramps."

"Money doesn't grow on trees."

I'm sure you all heard these from your parents a time or two growing up. Yeah, some of them were obviously not true (I mean, I've never met anyone who made a funny face as a kid and it got stuck that way).

As hard as it is to admit, though, our parents were absolutely right on a few things. Now that we're grown up, it seems like a lot of us forget the more important lessons we've learned. Even in adulthood, I think we can use a few of these reminders from our parents:

1. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

This one is actually what inspired me to write this post. Recently I heard good friends of mine were talking trash about my relationship behind my back. There have been a few occasions lately where a blogger openly criticized another blogger on Twitter. As adults, we are quick to judge and criticize each other and bashing things we hate seems easier than finding something positive to say. With so much negativity, I can't help but wonder when we forgot to be nice or just be quiet.

Judging, criticizing others behind their back, calling people out on social media...it all spreads so much negativity and hurts others. If you don't have anything nice to say, just keep it to yourself. Put your energy toward supporting others and spreading positivity...it's much more rewarding.

2. Life isn't fair.

I can certainly remember my parents responding with this many times as a kid. As an adult, I've continued to be reminded over and over again that sometimes life just isn't fair. Just a few years ago, I was eating right and living a healthy lifestyle when a random throat infection threatened my life and left me with lots of issues and medical bills. This is far from fair. I still can't over how I was so healthy and took such good care of myself and something so bad could still happen to me. Do I sometimes wonder "Why me?" You bet. Do I ever feel sorry for myself? Of course.

It's easy to get down on ourselves as adults when bad things happen, when tragedy strikes, or even when things are happening for our peers, but not for us quite yet. Your friend met the love of her life and you can't even go on a decent date. Your college friends are landing their dream job and you haven't even figured out what you want to do yet. It's easy to wonder "why me?" and whine about it, but all you can do is work hard, do your best to get where you want to be and trust that things will happen when the time is right. 

3. You are the company you keep.

Back in high school when my parents were saying this to me, I strongly disagreed. But in high school, you think you have it all figured out and you're convinced that you aren't influenced by anyone. Looking back, yes, my parents were right.  Do any of you have a friend who is a major Debbie Downer? Have you ever had a friend who seemed to bring nothing but stress and drama to your life? Sometimes we don't realize it, but hanging around people like this can have an affect on our attitude and behavior.

I've found that as an adult, I need to pay attention to the types of people I spend my time with. It's important I invest my time and energy into healthy, positive friendships and people who have similar values, interests and goals as I do. Our relationships have a huge impact on us, so sometimes that means distancing ourselves from certain people who bring us down, increase our stress or affect our happiness.

I'm sure we can all agree being an adult isn't all it was cracked up to be. We don't have it all figured out like we thought we would. We even call our parents for advice and appreciate their input, which I'm sure totally makes up for all the times we rolled our eyes as they lectured us as teenagers.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it wouldn't hurt for us to keep these lessons in mind. They are just as necessary now as they were in our childhood.

Would you add any other lessons to my list?

Counting my rainbows, not my thunderstorms

It's been raining nonstop for the last few days in Orlando and it doesn't look like it'll be ending anytime soon. I'm staying at Jonathan's for the rest of the week which has meant about an hour commute to and from work. It's also looking like our weekend at Clearwater Beach is going to be pretty rainy. This is all okay. It's okay because as always, I'm trying to focus on the good. Sometimes choosing joy is easier said than done, but it's so worth the effort.

Today I want to share a list of things I'm feeling thankful for right now.
  
Thankful for my health. I'm still in the process of trying to pay the massive amount of medical bills I've racked up over the last few years. Trying to pay these off is causing me a great deal of stress and sometimes I feel like there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel. In the midst of this, I am thankful that I am healthy now and at least I'm not adding to the bills at this point.

Thankful for Jonathan. Today is his 25th birthday. This man is my love, my sunshine, my dream come true. I'm so thankful for his love and support, his patience and humor, his positivity and his faith. I thank God we found each other and get to experience this amazing love every day.

Thankful for supportive friends and family. My family, my best friend Taryn, Jonathan...these are people who I know have my best interest in mind. They are the people who are always supporting me, cheering me on and lifting me up when I need it. 

Thankful for moments like this: Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up and realize I'm not close enough to Jonathan so I turn over, snuggle up next to him and wrap my arm around him. Then he grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him and I lay there in the middle of the night, half awake, grinning from ear to ear, thanking God and drifting happily back to sleep.

Thankful for Sara Bareilles' latest song, Brave.

Thankful for our trip to the beach this weekend. Yes, I envisioned sunbathing by the pool enjoying an array of fruity beverages, but if we don't end up doing that, I'll be just as happy. The point of this trip is to get away just the two of us and relax for a few days. We could be stuck in the hotel the whole time and I know I'd still enjoy every minute of it. I am, however, still hopeful that maybe the weather will clear up by then. A girl can dream, right? :)

Thankful for so many new followers around here. Whether you've ended up here because of a giveaway, a linkup, my button on another blog or you just so happened to stumble upon my little place on the Internet, I'm so glad you're here and I hope you all enjoy reading along.

There you have it. I could've easily written a post about everything that isn't going well this week, but I feel so much better after focusing in on the good stuff.

What are you feeling thankful for this week?

You are more beautiful than you think.

If you haven't seen the video, 'Dove Real Beauty Sketches,' the latest addition to Dove's Real Beauty campaign, take a few minutes and watch it.

All the videos in Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty have really made an impact on me. In a world where cosmetic companies basically shame us into buying their products, it's refreshing to see these videos by Dove, even if they have the same intentions as all those other companies.

Why does it take another person, even a stranger, complimenting us or describing our looks in a positive way to make us feel beautiful? Why do we think the worst of ourselves?

I'm a pretty self-confident person, but even I am guilty of describing myself in a negative way. I can't tell you how many times Jonathan has given me a compliment and I immediately follow it up with something negative about myself. It doesn't happen all the time, but it shouldn't happen at all.

We all need to start seeing ourselves in a better light. We need to not only speak good things about our looks, but we need to believe them, too...with our whole hearts. We are so much more beautiful than we think we are. It's time to start recognizing that.

Like most things in life, I am reminded of an important lesson from the movie Bridesmaids. When in doubt, repeat this to yourself:

Find the good.

I certainly don't need to fill you in on the events that took place yesterday in Boston. You've likely seen the footage, the photos, the Twitter posts. My reaction to acts of violence like this, which happen much too often, is always the same. I sit here speechless, in shock, feeling helpless and trying to wrap my head around how in this world such awful things can happen.

It's so easy to say we've lost faith in humanity, to say the world is going to hell in a hand basket and to feel bitterness in general toward society, but I've seen so many posts and heard so many conversations talking about the good in an awful situation like this. Even if it's just a little bit of good, people are talking about it. Yes, something horrible happened and our hearts are breaking for the victims and anyone impacted by this. But just when you think you've lost all faith in humanity, you hear about the runners who continued running straight to the hospital to give blood after the blast, the people running toward the explosion to help in any way they could, and you are reminded that there is always going to be good in this world, no matter what we are up against.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and anyone 

who has been affected by this.

It's Okay Thursday

It's been a while since my last It's Okay Thursday link up but first of all, how wonderful are these?

Okay, now on to what is more than okay in my world today...

It's okay to celebrate an awesome 3 mile run with a huge bowl of ice cream.

It's okay to have a minimal winter wardrobe when you live in Florida. It's not quite so okay when you are going to Buffalo for the weekend in the middle of winter.

It's okay to wear dresses to work even though I can wear jeans everyday if I want to. It feels nice to switch it up sometimes!

It's okay to believe with all of my heart that J and I could live happily ever after.

It's okay that I'm looking forward to 3 days of doing absolutely nothing in Buffalo. The quality time with my sister, parents, niece and nephews is going to so wonderful.

It's okay to be counting down the hours until 5:30. I'm reuniting with my girlfriends from college tonight and I can already tell this is going to be absolutely perfect.

It's okay that I plan on drinking too many mojitos and eating too many slices of banana pizza for dessert at Cafe Tu Tu Tango tonight. So worth it.

It's okay that I haven't been making it to the gym quite as often as I was in the fall. I'm still working out regularly, which is all that matters.

What is okay with you this week? Join the link up!

You can never have too much happy.

You'll have to excuse the excessive optimism I am giving off lately. I am over the moon happy and I'm loving every minute. For example, I've found myself smiling for no apparent reason and I shed a few happy tears simply sitting at my desk daydreaming about how wonderful my weekend was.

I feel like I could go on for days about all the simple, magical, wonderful moments of pure joy I've felt over the past few days, but I'll try to simply cover the highlights here.

I packed a bag for me and a bag for Blake on Friday and we headed off to spend most of the weekend at J's house. This was my first time bringing my puppy love to Jonathan's house and we both weren't quite sure how he would hit it off with J's cat, Money. I'll cut to the chase and say they didn't hit it off. At all. Blake wanted to play. Money was scared for his life. It was a nightmare and we had to keep them separated all weekend. I only tell you all of this because I have to say...if this is the biggest issue with our relationship so far, then we are pretty darn lucky.

Moving on...we had a great Friday night enjoying a home cooked dinner with Jonathan's sister and his friend, then heading out for a few drinks. I love that we can go out on the town and have a great time socializing, but I love it even more that this man can't wait to get home so we can enjoy our time alone as well. We had such a fun and relaxing night and ended up staying up until 3 a.m. talking about everything under the sun.

Saturday morning we went on a bike ride to the farmer's market and took Blake along with us. I wish I got a picture of Jonathan riding his bike with Blake running alongside him, but here is one of me. It was so nice to start the day off this way.

I ran The Color Run yesterday (I'll get to that soon!) and had to make a tutu to match the rest of the girls on my team, so we spent the afternoon out and about getting the materials I needed, meeting up with J's parents and sister for a late lunch and headed home to attempt a homemade tutu. I can't find words to express how special it is to have a man who not only helped me with this, but was happy to help and be a part of it. I'm not the most crafty girl out there and had no clue what I was doing. Even shopping in Joann Fabrics to get the supplies was a task. But he helped. With everything. He cut strips of tulle while I tied them on the elastic. Then he helped me tie and finish the tutu. When we were about to crawl into bed that night and I remembered I wanted to cut a little length off of it, he had me put it on and twirl while he cut it for me. We are a team and I love that about us. I also have to mention that I am falling for his family, as well. They are so welcoming and easy to get to know.

After our tutu project, we spent the evening hanging with a few of his good friends I hadn't gotten to meet yet. I planned to go back to my house and sleep there since I had to get up early for the race, but I honestly couldn't leave him. Laying in bed that night, we talked until we couldn't keep our eyes open any longer. We talked about how happy we were with each other and when then he asked me to promise we'll always be positive for each other...always lift the other person up instead of bringing them down. When he said all of this...I just closed my eyes and thanked God for everything that led me to this wonderful human being.

Needless to say, I am absolutely overwhelmed in the best way possible.

Speaking of happiness overload...

The Color Run was an absolute blast! It really is the happiest 5K on the planet. If you have a chance, I definitely recommend signing up if it comes to your city. It's so much fun!

Before and after the race with Laura

Seriously...have you ever seen someone this happy after 3.1 miles?

To say I'm feeling blessed is a huge understatement. One thing about life I love: whether I'm doing something new and exciting like The Color Run or simple things like riding bikes and taking Blake for a walk, with the right people, every minute is absolute perfection.

The Start of Something Good

I'm a little nervous to say everything I'm about to say because it is a little soon to be making bold statements about the new man in my life. I don't want to jinx myself because this whole thing is feeling too good to be true, but I just have to fill you in!

You might remember before the holiday I mentioned meeting a new man downtown after I ran the Tap n' Run. Last you heard, he brought me flowers, called me on the phone and we had a great time on our first date.

Despite me being at my parents' for a few days, we've managed to see quite a bit of each other since then. He lives in Lake Mary, which is about 40 minutes from my house. I drove out there last week for a movie night.

While at my parents' for Christmas, he called me every day to say hi and chat for a few minutes. What? Someone wants to hear my voice everyday? Someone who doesn't go days without contacting me? Someone who was counting down the days until I came home? Is this real life?

I showed him around my side of town last night and I'll be staying there tonight before hitting the road to Jacksonville in the morning. We've fallen into what feels like such a normal relationship so effortlessly. It just happens. There is nothing to analyze. No one is trying to play games. The feelings are mutual. There is a level of comfort that I haven't felt with someone in a long time. I think I've mistakenly said that before, but this...this feels comfortable. I can say what's on my mind whether it is too cheesy, too honest, or unreasonable without feeling like he is going to reject it.

 

I am totally surprised by this whole situation. I've never met someone in a bar setting that actually seemed like it could be a normal, viable relationship. I know it's so early to be saying all of this, but I can't help but feel giddy and optimistic. I don't know where this is going to go, but I feel really good about it right now!

12 on 12/12/12

In case you haven't been on Twitter or Facebook yet where everyone is telling us the date, it's 12/12/12. I've been sitting here thinking of fun things to do to mark the occasion...run 12 miles tonight? drink 12 glasses of wine? Well, I can't quite run 5 miles without feeling like I might pass out and while 12 glasses of wine would be great, it would take me until the next repetitive date to recover from that hangover.

So instead, I'm celebrating with a list because the least I can do today is celebrate the things I'm really excited about. So here goes-- the 12 things I'm most excited about right now:

1. The Tap n' Run 4K this Saturday. I was planning on taking it seriously by skipping the beer stops along the course and trying to get a good time, but I changed my mind. I'm doing this for fun, so I need to make it fun. This means I will skip, dance, twirl and drink beer through the course and just enjoy the fun of it and not stress myself out about the time.

2. Finally having my house decorated for Christmas. I say finally because apparently December 9th is way too late to go out looking to buy a real tree, white Christmas lights and a tree stand. We had to go to several stores before we tracked down the lights and stand. WalMart was completely out of both and by the way the staff reacted to us asking for these things, you'd think we were looking for this stuff in April or something.

Anyway, this is my third Christmas in my house and while I've put up a tree every year, this is the first year I've had the house fully decorated. We have lights on the bushes outside, the porch window and the sliding glass door. There is a wreath on the door and garland up the stairway. There a little bell ornaments throughout the house and a holiday centerpiece on the kitchen table. A lot of this is thanks to my awesome roomie helping me decorate. We had a blast decorating. I just love her! We even got a real tree (another 1st for me)!

3. Reuniting with my friends from college. I haven't seen some of these girls since we graduated in 2008 and almost all of us we be together in Orlando for one night in January. I couldn't be more excited about this.

4. My best friend Laura moving in with me in February. I lived with Laura before I bought my house and we've only become better friends since then. I can't wait for her to join our happy home. There will so much baking and dancing going on!

5. Christmas baking with my mom. It's looking like we'll have our annual cookie baking day the Sunday before Christmas and I can't wait. I haven't figured out what to bake yet, but I know it is going to be an awesome day with my mom!

6. This little guy. Meet Ashton David, my beautiful new nephew. I can't wait to hold this little boy in my arms. I just need to get my butt up to Buffalo soon so I can meet him!

7. Jacksonville at the end of the month. My roomie is joining me in Jacksonville for my cousin's wedding just a few days after Christmas. They are getting married on the beach and I couldn't be happier for these two. I'm also excited to get some quality time in with my good friend Kendal who lives there as well.

8. My two younger sisters are moving closer. Right now, one of them lives about 30 minutes from me and the other lives with my parents about an hour away. This weekend, they are moving into their new apartment which is only about 20 minutes from my house! I am so happy to have them both closer.

9. Blake wearing a Santa hat. This makes me happier than it should, but he is just too cute. We will be taking a family photo that involves this hat at some point.

10. The state of my friendships. I have been a little down lately about my lack of success in the relationship department. I know I'll meet the right one eventually, but I can't help but feel a little sad/lonely sometimes. On the flip side, I think back to about 4 years ago when I moved back to Orlando after college and didn't have any close girlfriends. I've come a long way since then and can't say how thankful I've been lately for the group of very close girlfriends I have. It's something I never take for granted because I remember the time I would have given anything for a few really good girlfriends. I have those and they keep me sane, they keep me laughing, they dance with me in public and they are there for me no matter what. I am so overjoyed to have girls like this in my life.

11. Messy Twister. I don't know why I didn't think of this before (Thank you Pinterest), but it's brilliant. This will be happening in my house sometime in the next few months. I can't wait!

12. Life. I haven't completely been myself lately and I am worrying, stressing out about things and getting down on myself. BUT...in the midst of all of this, I am fully aware of how blessed I am. I have faith that the things I am worrying about will work out in their own time and the struggles I feel like I am going through will make the good things to come so worth the wait. Despite the things I want to change/fix/find, I am so excited about the life I'm living. It's all about perspective, that's for sure!

Tell me...

What are you most excited about right now? Are you doing anything exciting to mark 12/12/12?

Random Thoughts #2

I already warned you that I have a lot to say this week. Unfortunately, I can't seem to pull a coherent post together. Do you ever have that problem? You have topics you want to write on and things you want to say, but you just can't seem to piece it all together. Instead, you end up rambling on about a variety of unrelated things. I've already done a post like this just recently, so I guess this is going to be a regular thing here on days I can't focus on one topic. So here goes...

Most importantly, I have a new nephew on his way into this world as we speak and I am esctatic! This is my sister's 3rd child and I cannot wait to get word that he has arrived. My sister lives way up in Buffalo so I can't be there to meet him which kinda stinks, but I am hoping to get up there sometime in the next few months to visit. I can't wait for that.

I pinned this on Pinterest today and actually said "oh shit" out loud at my desk because I was that overwhelmed by how wonderful and awful it was that I found this. Awful because my love for York Peppermint Patties is really intense and I don't think I have the self control to even make these. Good lord they look delightful.

Do you ever feel like negativity has become more common in this world than positivity? I come across too many people who don't know how to react to my attitude and I don't know how to respond. Some people even seem offended. What gives? Are there just too many bad things in the world getting people down and making them cynical?

I understand that it's easier to focus on the negative sometimes. It takes less energy to complain about things you aren't happy with than it is to find the bright side of that situation. I guess I just feel overwhelmed by this lately. Don't get me wrong. I have days that are not-so-great. But on those days, I certainly don't post "FML" Facebook updates or project my negativity onto others. That doesn't do any good. I don't spread happiness and positivity to people on a daily basis. Even I'm guilty of being pessimistic sometimes. But I catch myself. And I wish more people would catch themselves and turn their thought process around.  Maybe this needs it's own post. Maybe I need to blog about how you can cheer yourself up. I don't know.

Taylor Swift is coming to Orlando for two nights in April and I'm going to attempt to snag tickets on Friday morning at 10 a.m. Her shows sell out so fast so I usually don't even attempt to buy tickets. I've never seen her live and I know it would be amazing. If we are actually able to get tickets I am going to completely lose my mind. That's how excited I will be. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Has anyone else not even started their Christmas shopping? So many bloggers I follow said they were finished shopping Thanksgiving weekend. What? How did you do that? Thanksgiving weekend I went shopping and left the mall with two new sweaters, a sequin skirt and new aviators...all for myself. My dad totally judged me to my face. I just hadn't thought about what I wanted to get people yet and nothing jumped out at me. I need to get on this...

Speaking of Christmas, my coworker has Peppermint Kisses in her office. Why are these so delicious? I can't stop sneaking into her office to snag a few. It's getting out of hand. Have you tried these yet? If not, go pick yourself up a bag and proceed to eat the entire thing.

Is it frowned upon to tell your parents you want a flask for Christmas? I can't help but really, really want this one.

Speaking up, Sea World, Being Crafty and a Runaway Blake

Hello friends. I have a lot I want to say this week and I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start by telling you about my weekend and figure out the rest later this week.

Sometimes when I reflect on the weekend, it's hard to believe I crammed so many adventures, mishaps, awkward moments and good times into such a short time. This weekend was definitely one of those weekends.

Saturday I spent the day at Sea World with The Dog Whisperer, his roommate and a lady friend of his. I hadn't seen and hardly spoken to The Dog Whisperer in a few weeks so I was feeling a little anxious. We had a really fun day and got to hit up just about every attraction they have. The dolphin show is by far my favorite show there and everytime I see it I am completely overwhelmed by how amazing it is. I also cry tears of joy everytime I watch it and this time was no different. Did our whole group think it's weird and hilarious that I cry? I think so, but oh well. Sea World at Christmas makes me ridiculously happy. They have fake snow and do Christmas versions of some of the shows. We fed sting rays, which if you've never done is really awkward because they basically suck the food out of your hand. We also spent way too long in the game area of Sea World and The Dog Whisperer walked away with a creepy amount of small stuffed animal prizes. It was a really fun day.

While I had a really fun day, I have to say that The Dog Whisperer treated me like nothing more than a friend all day. Because he's been sending such mixed signals, I've already backed off quite a bit so if he just wants to be friends, that's cool. It would be nice though if he would just say so instead of leaving me to figure it out on my own. It's exhausting.

My goals for Sunday were simple: at least start to decorate the house for Christmas. I'm saving the Christmas tree for this weekend when my roomie and I can go pick one out and decorate together, but I wanted to get some lights up, get the Christmas candles out and finally pack up the fall decorations. As I tend to do, I got a little overzealous and decided I was also going to attempt to make one of those adorable yarn wreaths I see all over Pinterest.

I wouldn't describe myself as crafty, but I used to scrapbook a lot and I can pull off pretty basic DIY projects. The problem is, that no matter what I do, I always end up spending 3x as much on the supplies and the project takes about 2 hours longer than the tutorial says it should. This is why my crafting days are few and far between. The good news is that I'm pretty happy with the result.

I didn't really follow any specific tutorial because there are so many online and honestly, this is pretty easy to make. Wrapping the yarn around the wreath is really more of a two person job (it took me about 2 1/2 hours and it is not perfect by any means), but other than that, it's pretty self explanatory.

I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty exhausted and mentally checked out after the wreath was complete and I hadn't even gotten around to hanging any lights yet. This explains how I didn't notice Blake walking right out the front door somewhere between me trying to hang the wreath on the door and standing in my kitchen sink trying to hang Christmas lights in my front window (side note: you can't help but stop and laugh at yourself when you're using an ice cream scoop as a hammer for an hour before realizing you have a tool kit in the garage).

When I was finally finished, I realized I hadn't seen Blake in a while. He hadn't been feeling very well and I kinda figured he gave up on following this mad woman around the house and went to sleep on the couch. I walked through the house calling his name and he was no where to be found. I started to panic realizing he could have been gone for an hour or two at this point. I had been so wrapped up in what I was doing, I had no idea when he got out. I started freaking out, crying, calling his name and as I ran outside to look for him, my neighbor from a few houses down was walking up to the door with him.

I was so relieved and panic-stricken that I brought Blake inside and cried like a baby for a good 10 minutes. Before you judge my parenting, I am usually much more attentive. Blake is still a puppy, so I don't let him out of my sight most of the time. I honestly don't know how he got outside without me even realizing it and it really makes me worry about my mental health. He would've had to walk right past me to get outside when I had the door open for goodness sake! The good news is that thanks to my neighbor walking his dogs, Blake didn't go far and I didn't end up having to roam the streets hysterically looking for him.

So yeah, to summarize: Hot mess, party of one right here. I'll get it together soon, I'm sure. I do know that though I feel like I am kinda falling apart, it's making me say and do things that need to be done. I don't ever fall apart without coming out of it feeling better and more secure with myself. So, there's the bright side. Oh, and I'm sure you would all agree that succeeding in any DIY project can make you feel like you could take over the world, assuming you don't let your dog run away without you noticing in the process.

Holy cow that was long. Thanks for sticking around to read it if you did and I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

Gratitude Overload

"It is not happy people who are thankful; it is thankful people who are happy."

I honestly don't know if there is a better feeling than the feeling I get when I arrive at my parents' house for a holiday. It's as if any stress, anxiety or concern I've been carrying around just falls off my shoulders as soon as I pull into the driveway. 

It's Thanksgiving. My favorite holiday. I cried happy tears three times before I even got here today. I can't help it; I'm an emotional lady and I get overwhelmed easily when I start to think about all there is to be thankful for. There are so many things; big things like life in general and simple things like the banana pizza dessert at Cafe Tu Tu Tango. 

It honestly wouldn't be a celebration unless I presented an exhausting list to you, so here we go. 

Today I'm feeling thankful for:

• Books
• York peppermint patties
• Finding a roommate this year who has become a very dear friend of mine
• Blake. This little boy brings me so much joy.
• Optimism
• The smell of rain
• My job
• The not-so-great things in life, because they make the good stuff stand out so much more
• Country music
• How I feel driving home after a really good workout
• Rainbows
• Having people in my life who accept me completely
• My quirkiness
• Being part of such a fun, loving, supportive family
• Tears of joy
• Anyone who has come into my life and treated me unfairly or didn't appreciate who I am. Because those people left, it made room for the good ones
• Songs that make me want to twirl
• Unexpected morning phone calls from my mom
• My health
• The new Taylor Swift album
• Pinterest. Where else could I find all the best cupcake recipes and inspirational quotes in one place?
• The quote, “Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms.” This quote has helped me see the bright side in so many negative situations. 
• My girlfriends
• Knowing that one day I will look back and laugh at how confusing dating is to me right now
• Blueberry vodka
• Friendly customer service employees
• How it feels to wake up in the morning with the sun shining through the windows
• EVERY DAY

Life isn't perfect. Horrible things happen sometimes. I've been sick. My heart has been broken. I've experienced sadness. But, in all of those times, there has always been something, even something small, to be thankful for. Sometimes you have to search a little more than others for the good and that's okay. Those situations help you appreciate the small things. They make you realize how blessed you really are. We've all got to start seeing the perfection in less-than-perfect situations. 

For all those not-so-great situations, I feel like we get so many more days where the good is so overwhelming you don't know how you got to be so lucky. Those are the days when you go to count your blessings and you don't even know where to begin so you just close your eyes and thank God. 

That is me today; overwhelmed with gratitude. 

Tell me...

What are you feeling most thankful for today?

Random Thoughts

Happy Wednesday! This post comes to you from my office where men are tearing apart the roof and it sounds as if someone is moments away from falling through the ceiling and landing on my lap. I obviously can't concentrate, so I'm blogging. One of the many reasons I love blogging is that it doesn't require concentration. I don't need to pick one thing to write about and stick to it. I don't even have to make sense. So today I bring you the thoughts that are going through my head right meow.

I heard an ad on the radio this morning announcing that a local mall is opening at midnight on Black Friday. I love to shop almost as much as I love getting a really good deal on something, but I can't help but feel sad that shopping is starting to overshadow Thanksgiving day. Every year it seems the stores start opening earlier and earlier and more people spend Thanksgiving day waiting in lines and fighting crowds than sitting around the table with family celebrating all they are thankful for.

My nana has been fighting cancer on and off for a few years. She is now refusing treatment and I'm going to visit her today. I haven't seen her in quite some time and I'm feeling a little anxious. I really just want to hug her and tell her I love her, and I'm just hoping I don't completely fall apart. I'll also be seeing my aunts and uncles I haven't seen in a long time. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone.

Dating The Dog Whisperer makes me feel like I am in stop and go traffic. You know the feeling, when you think the traffic jam has finally cleared up and you start to cruise, only to come to a dead stop in 1/2 a mile. That's how I'm feeling. Whenever I see him, it's like we are cruising down the highway and things feel like they are going so great, then we say our goodbyes and it feels as though we are at a complete standstill until the next time I see him. I'm not saying this is a terrible thing because we are taking it slow and blah, blah, blah. It is what it is but it's new territory for this impatient girl.

Speaking of boys, I can't help but think they are so cute banding together during the month of November for No Shave November. I can't help but notice the irony: it's cute when the men in your life decide to dedicate a month to not shaving, but if us ladies decide to avoid shaving for a month, we've "let ourselves go." Trust me, I am not an advocate of going more than a day without shaving my legs nevermind a whole month, but still, I'm entertained by this.

I'm truly starting to believe children have a better grasp on life than anyone else. They are brutally honest and so genuinely optimistic. I'm loving these two kids' quotes:

Anyway, I hope you're all having a lovely day.